House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A- | 1395 USERS: B+
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Mirth Day

House reports to the cafeteria to brag to Wilson about how Cameron totally wants back on his team. Wilson thinks she's happy in the ER and then orders an egg-white omelet with no bacon and whole wheat toast. This doesn't escape House's notice, and he guesses that Wilson is dieting for his new girlfriend. Wilson accuses House of talking about his diet to avoid talking about Kumar. "He's no longer on my team. I'm sorry he's no longer on my team. There's nothing else to talk about," House says, looking everywhere but at Wilson. Wilson is looking at House's wrist, though, and notes that he's wearing the watch Kumar gave him for Secret Santa. It's almost like House is being sentimental or something, although he claims he's only wearing it because it's a good watch and will be able to time how long it takes for Wilson to ask if he's okay. With that, he doesn't order any food for himself, preferring to swallow his Vicodins on an empty stomach.

Meanwhile, the Cottages are wondering why House made Cameron do the test. Hadley has apparently forgotten everything about her boss, as she guesses that House wants someone to "mother" him after Kumar's suicide, while Foreman thinks the only mothering House wants involves "a bullwhip, leather diapers, and a credit card." Huh? Since when was House into that kind of scene? And since when did that kind of scene take credit cards? With that, Cameron walks into House's office to report that Doug's inner ear is fine, but his balance is still off. The Cottages walk in from the meeting room, and Taub insists that Doug is faking it, but House knows he wasn't because Cameron changed her shoes. Apparently, when people are faking an illness they're always polite about it and make sure to barf away from their doctors. When they aren't faking, they barf towards them and some shrapnel hits the doctors' shoes and thus they have to change. Foreman decides that all the stress of being an environmentalist could have caused carotid atherosclerosis, which explains the balance problem. Hadley says if that's true, Doug could have a massive stroke at any moment. It's enough to make House spit out the rubber band he's been chewing on. He orders Cameron and only Cameron to do another test to confirm the diagnosis.

House

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