House

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Mirth Day

Doug is in the post-surgery recovery room that looks an awful lot like the Coma Barracks from a few episodes back. Foreman walks in and hits Doug and Franni with medical jargon before simplifying that the biopsy showed no signs of cancer. He sounds all smart until he asks Doug how his leg feels. Duh. "It hurts," Doug says. Foreman removes the surgery bandage to reveal that the scar isn't very scar-y at all. In fact, it's still bleeding. A lot. Foreman looks at Doug's other leg and sees it's all discolored and calls out for some fresh frozen plasma, which everyone knows is much better for you than canned plasma. Doug's eyes roll back in his head as he suffers from blood loss. Great post-surgery care there, PPTH.

After the break, House is still convinced Doug has cancer despite the results of Foreman's biopsy. Since Doug's symptoms say cancer, House says, it must be cancer. Hadley points out that if they don't know what cancer it is they still can't treat it, but House thinks some magical total body irradiation will do the trick even though the steroids have weakened Doug's immune system to the point that the radiation could kill Doug before the mystery illness does. Foreman knows from experience that if Doug doesn't have cancer, the irradiation will wipe out his immune system, causing something as small as an infected toenail or bra scratch to become fatal. Taub has an idea: they'll shoot Doug up with something that will make the cancerous tumor they don't even know he has grow so they'll be able to locate it. If it exists. This will also make Doug's cancer a lot worse, but that's okay since he might not even have cancer at all. Hadley would rather do the irradiation, so House agrees to go with Taub's plan after begrudgingly admitting that it's better than his idea. Taub heads for the nearest mirror to high-five himself.

House heads for Wilson's office and whines that he's lost his mojo. He had no idea that Kumar was suicidal, he was wrong about why Cameron was hanging around, Taub is coming up with better ideas than he is, and he still doesn't know why Wilson is currently munching on carrot sticks. He thinks he's losing his mind, but Wilson thinks this is a good thing. House is looking for reason and meaning in Kumar's death where Wilson doesn't think there's any to find. As for House's mojo, Wilson is sure it'll come back soon enough. He leaves and offers House all the carrot sticks he can eat. House doesn't appear to want any.

Surprise, surprise -- Franni isn't thrilled about the make your husband's cancer worse plan. As for Doug, he's kind of thrilled that all the crap he exposed himself to in his quest to clean up the Earth have finally taken their toll on him and if he's really lucky, he'll die a martyr. That might happen sooner than he thinks, as he suddenly goes into V-tach. Taub defibrillates in honor of Kumar.

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House

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