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Sara M: A- | Grade It Now!
Mirth Day

Next thing we know, she's hovering over Kumar's empty chair in the meeting room and bringing the non-dead members of the group up-to-date on their new patient, Doug, who has seen three different specialists already. House accuses her of trying to get Kumar's job. Cameron insists that she's repaying a favor to another doctor. Hadley displays a heretofore unknown hatred of environmentalists, saying Doug is a "nutcase" who spends most of his time protesting at toxic waste dumps, which could account for his problems now. "Tox screen's negative," Cameron says. Uh ... Cameron? I know it's a "tox" screen, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't scan for toxic waste. Just drugs. Meanwhile, Foreman displays a heretofore unknown love of the environment, asking Hadley why someone who's trying to make the world a cleaner place has to be labeled a nutcase. Taub agrees, saying he's sure Doug is only into environmental causes because he's hoping to pick up hippie chicks. Because they don't smell like patchouli and have way too much armpit hair or anything. Taub thinks Doug is faking in an effort to sue the cops and get some money, because that non-diagnosis means that Taub doesn't have to do any more work this week. Cameron doubts it, since Doug wants to be seen by "the best diagnostician in the country." Like we haven't seen patients fake illnesses in front of House before? House decides that Cameron is in love with him and recommends a test that only Cameron is allowed to run. That means Taub got his wish after all and doesn't have to do any work.

Cameron gets ready to inject ice water into Doug's ear to see if his balance problem is related to an inner ear problem, but he'd rather get his knickers in a twist over the fact that his bedside table has been decorated with a lone flower in a vase. Cameron says all PPTH patient rooms get this and Doug acts like this is some big bad evil anti-environment thing, clearly not realizing that PPTH is only a two-bed hospital. Cameron tries to get the ice water in his ear, but it's difficult when Doug keeps talking about how fucked our planet is unless he can stop it by chaining himself to a dumptruck. Then he complains of feeling disoriented and barfs on Cameron's gown. Which means she'll have to have it washed, and that means wasting water and putting all kinds of chemicals into the sewer. Way to kill the environment with your inability to keep lunch down, Doug.

House reports to the cafeteria to brag to Wilson about how Cameron totally wants back on his team. Wilson thinks she's happy in the ER and then orders an egg-white omelet with no bacon and whole wheat toast. This doesn't escape House's notice, and he guesses that Wilson is dieting for his new girlfriend. Wilson accuses House of talking about his diet to avoid talking about Kumar. "He's no longer on my team. I'm sorry he's no longer on my team. There's nothing else to talk about," House says, looking everywhere but at Wilson. Wilson is looking at House's wrist, though, and notes that he's wearing the watch Kumar gave him for Secret Santa. It's almost like House is being sentimental or something, although he claims he's only wearing it because it's a good watch and will be able to time how long it takes for Wilson to ask if he's okay. With that, he doesn't order any food for himself, preferring to swallow his Vicodins on an empty stomach.

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