House
Sex Kills

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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This Show Is Written By Puritans
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

A bunch of old people play cards, as old people are wont to do. Joining them is Keri Lynn Pratt, who I know best as BabyAunt from my 7th Heaven recapping days. This show is smart enough not to cast her young-looking and -sounding self as a teenager's aunt, but as the daughter of one of the card players, who is played by none other than Howard "Dr. Johnny Fever" or "Mr. Moore" (depending on whether you were a fan of WKRP In Cincinnati or Head Of The Class) Hesseman. While some of the ladies at the table try to fix Johnny Fever up with an available lady, his daughter seems to be having a fever of her own; her vision's blurry and ominous sound effects are playing. She excuses herself from the table, saying that she's feeling nauseated, and her dad leads her away. While we're waiting for her to barf bright green or her legs to fall off or whatever other crazy symptom this show likes to start things off with, her father suddenly freezes in mid-sentence. The Magic School Bus Cam zooms into his brain, where various neurons are misfiring. Just when I thought the pre-credits illness sequence had given up on trying to fool me, it does it again, that tricky little devil! Henry's eye bulge as his daughter's whiny voice asks what's wrong and begs him to let go of her arm. The other card players stand up and take notice, which is how you know this situation is dire: it takes a lot to distract an old person from his bridge game. Henry snaps out of it and continues his sentence, unaware that anything happened until he sees the horrified look on his daughter's face. Between her nausea and his brain problems, I think it's safe to say that they won't be winning that bridge tournament tonight.

Foreman does his neurologistly duty and tends to Henry. He explains that Henry had an absence seizure, which means that the Patient Of The Week's Requisite Seizure is already out of the way. Henry says that he's never had anything like this happen to him before, and his daughter backs him up, saying that her father is perfectly healthy except for some acid reflux problems. And now that Henry has to tell his doctor the entire truth, he makes up a terrible excuse -- about how he heard the coffee in the cafeteria was awesome and she should go try it -- to get his daughter out of the room. But what about her nausea? I guess it just came from being in a room full of Ben-Gay vapors and is no longer a concern.

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House

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