Sex Kills

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
This Show Is Written By Puritans

Henry opens his gonorrhea-filled eyes to find his ex-wife and daughter standing over him. "Am I dead?" he asks. That doesn't make sense unless his ex-wife is dead, which she isn't, but I'll give him a pass on the stupid comment since he did just have a heart transplant and everything. Amy decides to test her old man's new ticker out right away by saying, "If you do Mom again, you gotta wear a condom." Wow, how did Amy manage to say the most inappropriate thing in an episode that featured House at his Housiest?

It's time for House to redeem himself and be a good friend. Wilson knocks impatiently at his apartment door, which is kind of insensitive when you consider the fact that it takes House a bit longer than the rest of us to walk to the door to open it. He finally does, and sees Wilson at his door. And he's brought luggage. "Can I stay with you for a few days?" he asks. "You idiot! You told her," House exclaims. Not so fast, Mr. Ass-u-me. As it turns out, SHE told HIM. Wilson wasn't having an affair after all (unless you count the one he has with House in his mind) -- his wife was. House is shocked. Wilson adds that he thought his marriage was falling apart because he was spending too much time at work. But really, she was having an affair (probably because she was lonely because her husband was playing foosball instead of spending time with her). And now she probably has gonorrhea and spine syphilis and herpes in her brain and sex cancer! "Wanna beer?" House offers, stepping aside to let Wilson in. That's probably as sensitive as he'll get, but it'll probably be enough.

Someone needs to tell Fox that their truly awesome previews still don't make up for the fact that we've only gotten, like, one new episode a month since Christmas break: now we have to wait a few weeks AGAIN for another new episode. See you then!

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