Back in the meeting room, House rubs his leg while Cameron tells the group Alex's tox screen results. She tested positive for Valium...and heroin. No one is surprised about that, although House points out that heroin chic isn't exactly cutting-edge fashion anymore. Oh, please! Heroin will always be stylish. It's like the color black. Foreman starts crossing out all of the symptoms that would be related to Alex's heroin withdrawal, while Cameron protests that Alex may not necessarily be an addict just because she tried it once. But, Cameron! D.A.R.E. teaches the nation's children that every drug will make you an addict after just one try! Cameron continues to protest the guys' attribution of Alex's lack of periods to her addiction, saying it could be because of her age, or an eating disorder. House discards the "too young to bleed" suggestion, pointing out that Alex's hot boobs and hips indicate that she's well into puberty. Chase thinks that Alex has implants, since her chest has grown substantially since last year. House bets him two clinic hours that Alex's boobs are real, although he calls them "love apples," which is a term I found really off-putting, for some reason. Maybe it's because I don't really like apples. Or love. Anyway, Chase takes the bet, sealing the deal with a manly fist bump. He hasn't been attracted to Alex since she got those boobs; when it comes to Chase's type of woman, the less puberty she's gone through, the hotter Chase thinks she is (see: nine-year-old cancer patient, The). Cameron asks if they could please discuss Alex's medical issues instead of her body, at which point House stands up and promptly falls into a table covered with loud instruments that clang together in a symphony of embarrassment, and the conversation briefly halts while all the Cottages look at each other, not sure what to say, if anything. "I'm fine!" House snaps before they can ask. So the conversation about Alex continues: Cameron says she doesn't want to rush into a junkie diagnosis without ruling out the many other possible causes of Alex's problems. "Detox her," Hourse orders. But he isn't completely ignoring Cameron; he wants to do a rapid detox, where they put Alex in a coma for a night and pump her full of Naltrexone to block her brain's opiate receptors. She'll wake up free of drugs and painful withdrawal symptoms, and they won't have to wait the four weeks a regular detox would take to find out if the drugs are the problem or not. House knows a lot about this process, which can also work for Vicodin addicts. I'm just saying.
Episode Report CardSara M: A | 1335 USERS: B-
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