House
House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | 1589 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The Sandman Cometh

House is napping again when the Cottages come knocking. "We've got rectal bleeding," Cameron announces. "All of you?" House responds. Awesome. The Cottages are not as amused by that as I was, though. The blood gave them some more ideas of what's wrong with Hannah, so they decided that they didn't need to keep her awake anymore. Not so, says House. In fact, they won't even be sedating Hannah to do the necessary colonoscopy. Yikes!

Hannah screams in pain. "Can't you hurry?" Max asks, stroking Hannah's forehead, while Chase violates her intestines. "Trust me, you don't want me to hurry," he says. I have to imagine that the pain is like taking the biggest shit ever, but in reverse. TIMES FIVE THOUSAND. As if things weren't bad enough for Hannah, she also has to listen to even more of Cameron's whining about her goddamned article! "How am I supposed to work with him?" Cameron asks Chase, who is trying to do a fucking colonoscopy, Cameron, so maybe this can wait, hmm? Hopefully until the summer hiatus. "Do you think I'm overreacting?" asks Cameron. Hey, if you have to ask, then you probably are. Chase ignores Cameron, and asks Hannah to relax her anus. Max tries to talk Hannah's ass muscles open by telling Hannah to imagine that they're skiing in Vail, instead of here. Lesbians love sports. Meanwhile, Cameron's still on the article thing, and asks Chase what he said about her to Foreman. Chase says that he told Foreman he could have written up any one of their other cases, instead of Cameron's, showing that he's at least a little bit on her side. And then blood starts pouring out of Hannah's nose, so either Chase took a serious wrong turn on that colonoscopy, or Hannah has a new symptom.

Foreman tells House that they got Hannah's nosebleed under control. Cameron comes in with the results of a test that showed nose skin in the rectal bleed. "So the butt bleed's just a nosebleed," Foreman says. For the first and probably last time this episode, Cameron is correct to point something out, saying that all that blood is not "just" anything. Foreman thinks that they're just looking at a massive sinus hemorrhage. All they need to do now is figure out what's causing it. Cameron angrily snaps that they can't just test for the hundreds of things that could cause it, nor should they discount the idea that they've been making Hannah worse on their own. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a six-foot-long hose shoved into your large intestine?" Cameron asks. House perks right up at this and responds, "No, but I now have a much greater respect for whichever basketball player you dated in college." OH! NO WAY! NO HE DID NOT! HE DID! Best line ever, even though it's probably racist and totally wrong to say to someone, and ran the risk of Cameron bringing up her Poor Dead Husband. Even Foreman has to turn away and chuckle. Cameron just rolls her eyes and ignores the comment, saying that all the "torture" they've been inflicting on Hannah could have raised her blood pressure and made her bleed everywhere. Except it's more likely that those symptoms are associated with the ten days of sleep she hasn't been getting. I mean, come on, Cameron.

House

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP