House
Sleeping Dogs Lie

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The Sandman Cometh

For today's pre-credits scene of doom, we have a woman, in bed with her eyes wide open, listening to her kitchen sink drip. In fact, her home is alive with sound: the radiator, a clock, something in the dining room that I can't figure out but is nonetheless noisy, and then her girlfriend, who wakes up, sees Hannah sitting up on the edge of the bed, and annoyingly asks her whether she's still having trouble sleeping, which is like asking a decaying corpse whether it's having trouble breathing. Girlfriend Max (of course a lesbian is named Max) asks whether there's anything she can do. Hannah's eyeball says no; she's going downstairs to get some wine.

The next morning, Max wakes up to find Hannah not in the bed next to her, but slumped against the bathroom wall, softly banging her head into it. On the floor is an empty bottle of Generico Sleeping Pills.

One person who isn't having any trouble sleeping is House, who's spending his Clinic hours on an exam table with a medical journal draped across his face to keep the light out. Cuddy startles him awake, and explains to House that he and Wilson have different sleeping schedules, and therefore House is catching up on the zzzs he has lost. Unless House and Wilson are sharing a bed, I don't see how Wilson's routine is keeping House from getting all his beauty rest. With no shame, House turns over to go back to sleep, but Cuddy presents him with a case: a twenty-five-year-old female with "sleep issues." Which, if I may repeat my previous metaphor, is like saying that a dead guy is having breathing issues. House doesn't find the case very significant, especially after reading that the patient just swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. House makes a crack about twenty-five-year-old women not exactly being rational or emotional rocks, which is pretty funny coming from the epitome of stability and healthy living that is Gregory House. Cuddy persists, saying that the woman hasn't slept in ten days, despite downing that whole bottle of sleeping pills. Since you only live eleven days without REM sleep, House has about a day to cure his new patient.

Back in the meeting room, Cameron slams a copy of the fictional Midwest Journal of Experimental Medicine down on the table and accuses newly-published author Foreman of stealing her article about the time they killed that cancer girl to make her stronger. Cameron claims that Foreman knew she was writing the article and even gave her notes on it, only to turn around and publish his own article about the same thing. House interrupts them with their newest case, which gives Cameron and Foreman even more stuff to fight over, since Cameron thinks they should sedate their patient and Foreman doesn't see the point in doing that, since it won't give her the sleep she needs. Patient discussion over for Cameron, she turns to House and starts barking at him for leaving her article on his desk for the last four months and not doing whatever needed to be done to it so that she could submit it to the medical journal. House would rather get back to their case, but Cameron keeps whining that House read Foreman's article before hers, even though Foreman submitted it to House after she did. House says that he didn't read Foreman's article; he "sighted" it.

House and Chase return to the case, saying that, aside from the sleeping pills and some steroids she was given for a recent poison ivy infection, Hannah has been clean of all drugs. Cameron doesn't care about other people when there's something for her to be indignant about, however, and asks House when he got Foreman's article. "Three weeks ago," he says. Damn, the Midwest Journal publishes fast! Foreman smirks and raises his eyebrows, but stops just short of sticking out his tongue at Cameron. House pulls out his human brain model, and says that they should focus on optic nerve diseases, which can affect sleep. There isn't much else to say about them, since we all know that the first diagnosis is never correct. And, as a special bonus, House says that this should make for a great journal article! Cameron looks homicidal as she volunteers to perform the tests. And while she has every right to be angry and Foreman is a total asshole for going behind her back with that article, I have a feeling that by the end of this episode, I'll be taking his side just because of how obnoxious she'll be about it.

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