House
Sleeping Dogs Lie

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The Sandman Cometh

House wonders if that poison ivy Hannah was treated for recently wasn't poison ivy at all. Wegener's granulomatosis has been known to cause a rash, nosebleed, and sleep disturbances, even though the last time it was on this show, they were hoping to diagnose a guy with paralysis with it. Wegener's does all kinds of apparently unrelated things, it seems. House tells Cameron and Foreman to start treating Hannah for it, while they do some tests to confirm the diagnosis, which we all know they won't. Cameron and Foreman exit the room, Foreman holding the door open for Cameron. She glares at him and doesn't say "thank you." He turns to House and shrugs, all, "Can you believe that she won't accept my gestures? All I did was rip her off and totally undermine our working relationship for the sake of a journal article! Women are so touchy!"

Clinic time! House's latest patient is an Asian woman, whose teenage daughter translates that she's having really bad menstrual cramps and is "super-depressed." Indeed, the woman does look sad. She also has a bright red nose and watery eyes. House pulls up a chair, and immediately questions that an older non-English-speaking woman would use the term "super-depressed." The teenager adds that her mother was hoping for some birth-control pills to alleviate her PMS symptoms. House says it looks more like the woman has a "URI" (Upper Respiratory Infection) as well as an "SAC" (Stupid American Child). If the teenager really wanted to get herself some birth-control pills, all she had to do was walk into a free clinic and get some. That's a lot easier than the girl's plan, which was to apparently wait for her mother to get sick, and then take her to a Clinic, and use her inability to speak English to get some birth-control pills, which she would then switch out for some ineffective over-the-counter cold medicine. House hands the girl a prescription for birth-control pills and says that she's "not the sharpest chopstick in the drawer," even though I have to say that her plan, while unnecessarily complicated and kind of evil, was pretty smart.

House gets approximately zero inches out of the exam room before he's confronted by Cameron, who blocks his egress to yell at him some more about her stupid article. Shut UP, Cameron. House says that he was being lazy by not reading Cameron's article, so he had no idea that Foreman was ripping it off when he put his in front of House and let him sign off on it without actually reading it. Cameron protests that House should have had time to warn her about this, since he has the time to think of "incredibly witty remarks" about Cameron's anal sex life and Cuddy's boobs. House says that he'd rather have Cameron mad at him than Foreman, since Foreman is black, and black people are prone to shooting people they don't like. Yes, he really said that. The only thing that confuses House is why Cameron is always so shocked and upset when people act like human beings and do what benefits them. I'd say it's because the writer of this episode didn't get the memo that Season 2 Cameron is much cooler, sassier, and adult than Season 1 Cameron. Also, as a woman, Cameron is automatically the emotional, optimistic, naïve, moral center of the show. All the guys get to be assholes. And Cuddy is just a guy with boobs.

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House

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