A guy who crucifies himself every year as part of a deal he thinks he made with God to cure his daughter of terminal cancer barfs blood and comes to PPTH, whose staff is in the midst of trust issues with their loved ones. Cuddy is mad at House for lying to her, Taub is mad at his wife for having an emotional affair with a guy she met in an online support group for people whose spouses cheated on them, Wilson thinks Sam is lying in medical reports to cover up that she's giving terminal cancer patients higher doses of radiation in a last-ditch effort to cure them, and everyone is lying to Martha to keep her from telling their patient the truth. It turns out that he has a form of MS that kills in a matter of days and the only possible treatment for it is stem cell therapy, which the patient's religious convictions prevent him from accepting. So House just lies to him that his daughter's cancer never went away like everyone thought so he doesn't have to care about God anymore. The patient readily agrees to the stem cell therapy and begins to improve. Meanwhile, Wilson proposes to Sam, only to blow it by revealing that he thinks she lied about the radiation doses to help the terminal patients. Apparently she didn't, and she's so insulted by Wilson's refusal to believe her that she moves out. I hope Wilson kept the receipt from that engagement ring. Meanwhile, House is able to win Cuddy back by swallowing his pride, apologizing to her, and promising he'll never lie again -- which is, of course, another lie.
It's a beautiful day in the oddly desert-like hills of New Jersey. Perfect weather to carry your large wooden cross, as one man is clearly taking advantage of. He sets it down on the ground and his four followers get to work tying his feet and arms to it while he mumbles various religious things. Finally, it's time for the pièce de résistance and nails are driven through the man's palms, which he doesn't seem to mind very much as he smiles while the blood pours out of his hands. With that, the man and his cross are raised to overlook beautiful downtown ... uh ... New Jersey? I'm not familiar enough with the state to know which city's skyline we're looking at. It kind of looks like Los Angeles to me, really. The man, Ramon, enjoys the view for all of three seconds before he's barfing blood. Apparently, this is not supposed to happen, so his followers hurriedly move to take him down while trying to figure out just what the hell they're going to tell the ER.
House greets Cuddy in the PPTH lobby by accusing her of forcing him to masturbate because she's still refusing to see him until he apologizes and he's still refusing to apologize and I'm still refusing to give a shit about this story arc. House doesn't give a shit about the new case Cuddy wants him to take either, until she tells him the patient has puncture wounds in his hands from a crucifixion. That piques his interest. Ever the optimist, House is also able to find a silver lining in the dark cloud of his current relationship status: now he doesn't have to be Cuddy's date to PPTH's Chairman of the Board's wedding. Cuddy says she is not going to let him stand the Chairman up, like the Chairman doesn't know House well enough not to be relieved he isn't there. House says he will go with Cuddy as long as she doesn't mistake his attendance for an admission of guilt. Also, there's a chance she might get drunk enough to let him have sex with her. This somehow means he also has to attend the rehearsal dinner. Why is Cuddy even at the rehearsal dinner? Is she in the wedding party? Weird.
House arrives at Ramon's room with Martha and Chase in tow and informs the patient that he's crazy for crucifying himself. Ramon explains that his daughter, who happens to be sitting at his bedside, was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and given two months to live. Ramon says he made his "deal" then. "With your health insurance carrier?" House asks. "With God," Ramon says. Smart decision on Ramon's part, actually. God is probably much easier to reach and more reliable to get satisfactory results from than a health insurance company. And this is coming from someone who doesn't believe in God. Ramon told God he would nail himself to a cross every year his daughter stayed alive. Three weeks later, she was cancer-free, so now Ramon is stuck doing the annual crucifixion thing. His wife left him because of it, which House says only speaks to her sanity. Daughter asks House if he believes in God. House says he did until he "grew curly hairs." Chase gives House a look that says "how about you don't talk about your pubic hair in front of a young girl and her father?" Daughter counters that there's no other explanation for her being cured other than God intervening, but House says there are many possibilities and it's just human nature to have to have answers that makes people believe in God rather than not know what happened. Chase asks House to leave Ramon alone so they can do an LP.