House

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Everybody Lies. Except Martha. Also Sam.
it looked nice, myself. But House was hoping Cuddy would be polite and say he looked good, thus allowing him to catch her in a lie. It didn't work, and everyone's time has been wasted.

Chase and Martha set up at the door to Ramon's apartment. Chase asks Martha if she changed her mind about breaking into patient's homes. Martha says she hasn't -- she already asked Ramon for permission, figuring he didn't have any way to hide anything from them since he was in the hospital and has no roommate or friends to call. He also, Martha tells Chase after he's spent a good five minutes trying to pick the lock, leaves his door unlocked. Idiot. Just because you have nothing to steal doesn't mean that people won't try to walk into your apartment and take something anyway, and possibly hurt you if you happen to be home at the time. Ramon's apartment is pretty empty -- no TV, no computer, no stereo, not even any food. Martha finds Ramon's box of palm nails and a picture of him with his daughter a few years back. She notes that Ramon used to be a lot fatter. Chase wonders if Ramon is starving himself, and thus the tooth falling out was a result of malnutrition and not a symptom of whatever is really wrong with him. If that's true, then Taub's horse disease diagnosis was right after all. It also means that Ramon is so weird and out there that I don't really see how the viewers are supposed to relate to or have any sympathy for him. I mean, being devout? Sure. Nailing yourself to a cross every year and starving yourself? Come on now.

House tries to walk into Wilson's office, only to find the door locked. He orders Wilson to let him in, and after Wilson can be heard slamming something in his desk drawer, he does. House enters with the medical files of Ramon's daughter that he got by forging Cuddy's signature and tosses them on Wilson's desk to look at for him. Wilson says he's too busy taking care of patients who have cancer to look at the files of someone who was declared cancer-free four years ago. House isn't buying it, and checks out Wilson's desk drawer to find out what's really taking up his time. He finds a bunch of files from the hospital Sam works at. Wilson admits that her boss is about to review her files so she asked her almost-fiancé to look them over for her, or else she'll be stuck in all weekend looking them over herself and thus unable to go to the wedding and be proposed to. Wilson says it's important to him that he propose at a wedding because it was at a wedding where they first fell in love. Isn't it really poor form to propose at a wedding? Way to try to take the spotlight off the newlyweds. House doesn't think that's a good idea because emotions tend to run high and people are "on edge" at weddings. Really? Even the people in the audience who are only there because it's the Chairman of the Board? Anyway, House leaves the file with Wilson fully expecting him to do as House asks. And he will.

Taub arrives home. His wife is nowhere to be found, but her laptop is sitting out for Taub to look through. Oh, except that she walks in on him as he's doing it. Busted! "You left your laptop on," is the best excuse Taub can come up with. After all the cheating he's done, you'd think he'd be better at coming up with stuff on the fly like that. Rachel already knows what's up because she saw Taub at the hotel when he no doubt thought he was being all slick and out of sight behind a large planter or something. Apparently, Rachel wasn't up to anything naughty, as she isn't upset about Taub seeing her and he admits that he didn't see anything untoward. Taub's all paranoid and suspicious still, though, and wonders why Rachel isn't more upset about Taub not trusting her or why she isn't curious about what made him check up on her in the first place. He says he noticed she took the phone into the shower with her. "I made a new friend," Rachel admits. It's a man she met in an online support group for people whose spouses cheated on them. Ah yes, I'm familiar with that group. I believe it's called Why Are You Here And Not Filing For Divorce Anonymous.

Martha asks Ramon why he was starving himself and didn't tell them. Ramon says he "wasn't trying to" starve himself, but he's on a "tight budget" and "it seemed like an okay diet." And that's pretty much the only explanation we're going to get, even though it's no explanation AT ALL. Starvation isn't a "diet." Unless you have an eating disorder, people generally want to eat and have a very difficult time going without food while somehow paying for things like rent and those tins of coffee and Tabasco sauce we saw in Ramon's apartment. Also, they don't have food stamps in New Jersey? And he's on that tight of a budget but can still afford health insurance or if not, is willing to be admitted to PPTH without it and be on the hook for thousands and thousands of dollars in medical bills? Also, HE HAS A JOB. Even if the pay's not great, there's almost no way a guy with a job can't afford FOOD. And isn't his job building stuff? That requires strength, which he wouldn't really have if he were starving. Whatever. Ramon smiles and eats some PPTH food. Martha says he must be feeling better, but he says his legs are actually "killing him." Martha asks why he's smiling, then. "I'm not smiling," Ramon smiles.

After the break, Foreman exposits that Ramon has two new symptoms: leg pain and something wrong with his brain where he expresses one emotion while feeling another without knowing it. House is enjoying this second symptom, and plays with Ramon by saying he has an easily treatable disease and will be fine after just two days of treatment. "Really?" Ramon asks, seemingly furious. House says he was just kidding to see what Ramon would do. Ramon grins, actually furious. House asks his Cottages for a differential diagnosis on Jesus, who suffered from narcissism and hallucinations. Martha plays along and comes up with schizophrenia. Somehow, this comes back to Ramon and ordering an MRI (OF DOOOM!!) on his brain.

House meets Cuddy in the lobby for yet another frosty exchange, this time about that file he forged her signature to get. And while he was at it, he snuck into Cuddy's personnel file and found that she's about to turn 45, even though she told him that she's two years younger than that. He thinks he caught her in a lie, but she says she actually lied to HR when she applied for the job at PPTH in the first place, thinking she'd have a better chance at getting it if they thought she was 31 and not 29. Um ... and then when she got the job they just took her word for it? They didn't verify her social security info and stuff like that? I mean, don't they need to see a form of ID that has your real birthdate on it for tax purposes? But I guess we already knew PPTH HR was totally incompetent. Also, House knew Cuddy when they were both students, so ... wouldn't he have kinda known her age then, way back before she ever thought of fudging it for a job? Lame.

Cuddy says this is all silly because even if House does manage to catch her in a lie, it's not going to make her suddenly love lies and forgive House for his. And since when, in the seven years we've known Cuddy, has she been such a stickler for the truth? She's not Martha and she knows House lies to her and he's been doing it as her employee for YEARS. It doesn't make any sense that she has a problem with it now except to manufacture this stupid plot and create tension in their relationship that it doesn't even need.

Taub, Chase, and Martha hang out in the MRI booth while Ramon is being scanned or murdered or whatever it is the MRI (OF DOOOM!!) does. Chase is enjoying hearing about Taub's marital woes, especially the new twist of Rachel making a male friend at the support group she has to go to because of Taub. Chase says a cheating spouse support group is "the perfect place to hit on a vulnerable woman" and is no doubt thinking right now of how early he can get out of work to do just that. Martha, on the other hand, is actually paying attention and notes a bunch of lesions in Ramon's brain. Chase says they look like MS, a

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