Meanwhile, House is still making mysterious phone calls while he's supposed to be working in the clinic. The caller wants cash only, and a lot of it. House says he can get it to the guy's house by 6, then announces his 5 o'clock clinic checkout time to the desk clerk. D'oh! Cuddy's there, and she's wearing a watch. It's only 4:45, so House still has fifteen minutes left on his shift. House wants to round up, but Cuddy calls another patient up to see him. House has an ATM to hit and a mysterious man to pay off, so he just goes down the line of waiting clinic patients and insta-diagnoses them all. First up is a woman who has been running too much to lose weight for her upcoming wedding. House prescribes better running shoes and less running. The second patient can't get his contact lenses out. From several feet away, House is able to tell that the guy doesn't have contact lenses in, and tells him to stop trying to remove his corneas. He may also want to consider wearing glasses from now on, since contact lens technology is obviously too sophisticated for him. Third up is a dentist complaining of numbness in his feet and hands, constipation, and something else that he'd rather not discuss in front of the entire waiting room. House doesn't care about silly things like doctor-patient confidentiality and says he wouldn't want everyone knowing he couldn't control his "pee-pee" either. The patient is suffering from nitrous oxide poisoning, either because of a leaky valve in the office or because he's been dipping into his own stash, something House should know plenty about. I guess we can figure out which option it is by whether the dentist's patients are unusually cheerful and all want daily check-ups.
The last guy's problem is that he can't see. House and Cuddy stare at him, alarmed -- Cuddy because she cares about the health and safety of other human beings, and House because a blind guy means he won't be getting to the drop-off point before six. Then the guy smiles and says he was just "screwing" with House. He actually just has a hangover and needs a doctor's note or else his English professor will fail him. If you have a hangover at 5 o'clock, kid, you have got some problems. College is supposed to be fun, but it's not supposed to be that fun. Unless it's dental college. Surprisingly, House doesn't respect a guy who screws with people's minds and tries to get out of unenjoyable activities. He tells him to get a note from the Laughing Dentist.