House
Sports Medicine

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Knoll tells us in direct close-up not to do drugs. I've never seen Felicity, so I can't say for sure, for sure, but I really thought Scott Foley was a more capable actor than this. It turns out that he's just acting like someone who can't act, as he introduces himself as Hank Wiggen, former baseball star turned drug addict turned anti-drug spokesman desperately in need of spokesman classes. The PSA director yells cut and runs onto the baseball mound to teach his actor how to act. Behind the camera, a man who looks like a cross between George W. Bush and Lea "Sarge" Masters tells Lola (maiden name: McPhee) Wiggen to go out and help if she thinks she can instruct her husband better than the director can. Lola says she wants to give the marriage "a few months" before she starts filling the stereotypical nagging wife role. Sarge says that Hank's arm "came back" the day after he met Lola, so the nagging role seems to be doing just fine for everyone. Then he puts his hand to his chest and Lola asks if he's okay and we all think that this is the guy who will have the mysterious illness. "Just gas," he says. So, maybe not. The wife takes off to help, and Sarge takes some pills. These disease-of-the-week openings are starting to go all Six Feet Under with their twists and turns.

Lola runs up and gives her husband some inspiring acting lessons and us some exposition about how he'll be pitching against the Yankees, WHICH WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER, depending on how big a baseball fan you are. She asks the director if he can shoot the second part of the ad -- Hank pitching -- first to make him more comfortable. The director agrees, and then makes a snide remark about everyone wanting to be a director, like, maybe if you weren't such a crappy one, Lola wouldn't have needed to come in and save your ass. Hank asks if Sarge is feeling all right, and we cut to Sarge having gas problems and once again, I expect him to keel over and start dying, but he remains upright as the rest of the crew make sure they're not standing downwind. The director calls action, and Hank throws the ball. The Magic School Bus Cam gives us a nice internal view of Hank's humerus snapping in two. Back in non-CGI land, Hank does not find the destruction of his humerus humorous, which will not be the only ironic thing to happen this episode, and he screams and falls to the ground, his broken arm flopping around all over the place. Nasty.

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