House enters the restaurant and asks Sharon, the "new Arnie," to get him a black coffee. She makes a face that suggests she'd love to tell him that she's his fucking waitress, but chooses not to alienate a potential client and goes to get the coffee. House steals her seat in the booth. He asks the Cottages which of them is sleeping with her; he really, really hopes it's Cameron. "You're not gay, you're...adventurous," he says. Awesome. Chase says that pharmaceutical reps don't prostitute themselves for sales. House says they like to sleep with the roadies to get to Mick, meaning that Sharon is just sleeping with one of them to get to House. Foreman bristles, and House realizes that Sharon is sleeping with him. House is all annoyed by that, I guess because the popular adage, "once you go black, you never go back" indicates that Sharon won't be moving up the client ladder after all. He starts picking at her food and informs the Cottages that Hank doesn't have Addison's. His problem is environmental; Lola isn't healthy after all. She has no sense of smell, and didn't think to tell anyone about this before. "Cadmium poisoning," says Chase. It explains everything, including how they had so much trouble getting pregnant during their one month of wedded bliss. But how could they get exposed to so much cadmium? Chase thinks he knows.
Chase asks Hank for another urine sample. Hank says yes without hesitation, and Chase asks why Hank didn't want to give them a sample before but is fine with it now. Hank says he's going to die now, so he couldn't care less. Plus, he knows that they'll just steal his urine and test it anyway if he says no, so what's the point? Chase thinks Hank was afraid they would find out that about his huge weed habit. Lola says that she and Hank quit. Hank says that Lola quit; he didn't, so much. And he's really sorry about that. He'll be even sorrier when he finds out that that was the indirect cause of his wee testicles. Chase says the weed must have been grown in some cadmium-soaked soil. They'll start treatment, and Hank will be fine in time for opening day. Hank apologizes profusely to Lola, saying he'll go to meetings every day now. "Twice a day," Lola says. If she's this mad about a little midnight toking, can you imagine her wrath if she had gotten that abortion and donated her kidney for no reason?
Cuddy and House discuss Hank's case. House says that Hank will recover just fine. Cuddy says that his health might, but that his career won't, since they are required to give all medical records to the MLB Association, and they won't look kindly on the marijuana-induced cadmium poisoning. House says he doesn't think anyone will have a problem with Hank's having Addison's disease, since that's what House put in his report. Now, no one will ever know except for everyone who was standing in the hallway when Cuddy started shouting about how Hank smoked all that weed. The tabloids can put it in the little sidebar of their upcoming articles about Hank's tiny testicles. And then they can put a sidebar in the sidebar about how one should not go to the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital if doctor-patient confidentiality is important to them. Cuddy's all for making House tell the truth in his reports until she realizes that the lie means that the Yankees will finally lose. Then she's cool with it.