Sports Medicine

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
Water Sports

After the credits, Hank gets some x-rays. Wilson and House exit the elevator (drink!). Wilson tells House about his latest patient, whose broken arm can't be healed properly because he has osteopenia, a.k.a. thin bones. House isn't paying attention, since he is making a mysterious phone call where he says that "price is not a problem if you have what I need." Sounds like he's calling the pharmacy. He finishes the call and says that he's already figured out that Wilson's patient is young, since osteopenia in young people can mean cancer. But, House deduces, Wilson couldn't find any cancer, so he's bringing the case to House. House asks exactly how old the patient is, and Wilson -- who was totally waiting for this question -- immediately whips out Hank's baseball card and reads the date of birth off it. House is impressed that his new patient is baseball star Hank Wiggen, and even more so that Hank signed Wilson's baseball card. "To Jimmy Wilson, the Cy Young of medicine," it reads. Wilson claims that he only requested the "Jimmy" part of the autograph. He wants House to find the cause of the osteopenia and reverse it so that they can fix Hank's arm and he can beat the Yankees. The Ty Cobb of Medicine accepts the challenge.

And now we get to see Foreman's apartment. Orange is a bold wall paint choice, but it works well here. I do wonder when Foreman had the time during his busy doctor schedule to do all this interior decorating, though. He's getting ready for the day, along with a young lady. They discuss the ethics of their relationship; apparently, their dates are paid for through the woman's business, although they are not, obviously, business-related. That sounds like the woman's problem to me, not Foreman's. And she doesn't, since she's trying to schedule another date for Friday. He says he'll try to get the day off, and she leaves. Foreman finds her thong in his sheets. Clas-say.

The Cottages, minus Foreman, are hard at work doubting the accuracy of those thorough cancer tests. Cameron thinks that Hank simply must have cancer, and damn those tests and House really likes her best now, doesn't he? Chase says that they've got to believe the tests are accurate and start looking for other options. Foreman runs in and apologizes for being late, citing car trouble. House says he doesn't believe him, and then asks the Cottages whether they noticed that Hank's kidney function tests were abnormal. Cameron is sure it's because of the Invisible Cancer, and that House just doesn't want Hank to have cancer because then Hank will never be able to pitch again and the Yankees will never lose. Yes, that and the fact that seven thousand different tests show no cancer and that Hank has gained a good twenty pounds of muscle in the last year and you know what else causes thin bones and bad kidneys? Steroids. Foreman agrees. House has Chase go ask Hank if he's been doing steroids, and then test his pee when he LIES that he hasn't.

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