House enters Cuddy's office. She shoves a Newsweek in his face, and he asks her if she's selling subscriptions for fabulous prizes. Cuddy points him to the cover story, which reads: "Dr. Sebastian Charles is the kindest, most generous, able-bodied doctor out there. He's not at all like cranky, selfish, limping Dr. House, who had been assigned to treat him." House insta-diagnoses that Sebastian's collapse was caused when he was crushed under the weight of his own ego. "Is there nobody you admire?" Cuddy asks, but doesn't sound too surprised. House says he did admire this woman he met in 'Nam who could blow out a candle with her vagina. Well, Cuddy, if you're going to be stupid enough to ask House a question, you're going to be thoroughly disgusted by his answer, aren't you? Apparently, Cuddy forgot that during her month off. Cuddy hands House Sebastian's file. House insta-non-diagnoses that Sebastian does not have TB.
A barefoot and bathrobed Sebastian hangs out with the Cottages in the conference room, showing them pictures of dead African children. He must be a lot of fun at parties. House hobbles in and is thoroughly annoyed to see Sebastian in his chair, as you would be. Sebastian ignores House and asks the Cottages to donate money to his organization. Cameron doesn't let him finish before announcing that she wrote him a check just last month. If it were anyone else, I'd say she was just saying that to appease Sebastian so he'd shut up already. But it's Cameron, so I know she's doing it to suck up. And it doesn't matter anyway, since there is no appeasing Sebastian. He tells Cameron to write another check. Man, nothing is ever good enough for this guy. Just like another doctor I know.... Foreman enjoys screwing Chase over, so he tells Sebastian that Chase has plenty of money to give away. Chase mutters that his dad is rich, but Chase isn't. At least that's the case when it comes to giving money to save lives. When it comes to skiing vacations in Europe and not needing a more lucrative job because he doesn't "need the money"...not so much. Isn't Daddy Chase long since dead at this point anyway? I swear, he's like Magic Johnson with the surviving a terminal disease long past expectations.
Sebastian launches into telethon mode (not that he was ever not in telethon mode) and says that lots of people in Africa are dying of something America cured years ago. House interrupts him to say he doesn't really care, and then goes into his own anti-telethon about how we can't care too much about people dying from something curable because then we won't be able to sleep at night for fear of missing the chance to save more lives. House requests that Sebastian feel overly guilty somewhere else. Sebastian says he wants to hear the differential diagnosis. House asks Cameron to tell Sebastian why that's not a good idea, which was in itself not a very good idea. Cameron is now torn between two non-lovers: the asshole boss who turned her down or the hunky single guy who cares about his patients almost as much as she does. Unsurprisingly, Cameron chooses Sebastian, saying that his qualifications as an immunologist and tuberculosis expert could prove to be a useful addition. Temporarily stymied, House is forced to take a different and most untactful tack: he sniffs around and asks what that awful smell is. Chase and Foreman remember that they exist in this scene only long enough to look clueless, and then Sebastian apologizes, saying it's the body powder he wears in the hot Sahara climate. Except that unless I missed something important, PPTH is still in New Jersey, which isn't known for its dry desert climate, so I don't understand why Sebastian is still wearing body powder that reportedly smells like elephant poop. Maybe he's addicted to it, like House is addicted to painkillers. What an interesting parallel. Cameron says she thinks Sebastian smells fine. House says that is exactly his point: if they can't be rude enough to tell Sebastian that he smells, then there's no way they'll be able to call him an idiot to his face during the differential. That's fine with Cameron, who had no intention of calling Sebastian an idiot anyway. If he wants his arguments to be strong, House needs to start basing his arguments on the behavior of most other people who don't feel the need to be ridiculously blunt all the time.