House
TB Or Not TB

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C+ | 3 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
That Isn't The Question

Sebastian has been strapped to a table that tilts up and down like a seesaw. The tilting table stress test looks like a great old time. Much more fun than a lumbar puncture, anyway. Foreman and House watch Sebastian's heart rhythm as the table tilts and House talks about how much he hates people like Sebastian, who care about people indiscriminately even though it's evolutionarily unnatural for them to, as if that's any different than what House does, which is hate all people indiscriminately. Humanitarians, House says, are just as selfish as everyone else. They just aren't as honest about it. They LIE. Foreman notes that Sebastian's heart rhythm is fine so far, and House decides to turn things up a few notches and see what happens. The table tilts rapidly, and Sebastian complains that he's starting to feel sick, then dizzy, then blind, and, finally, about to pass out. "I win," House says.

Back in his room, Sebastian grouses that House is insane. Foreman agrees that House is "abusive" and "unprofessional," but adds that he also revealed something they wouldn't have caught otherwise -- Sebastian needs a pacemaker. He's scheduled for surgery in the afternoon, which gives him a few hours to say goodbye to microwaves.

Cameron wheels Sebastian down to surgery. As they wait for the elevator, she tells Sebastian that he'll be able to "maintain" his pacemaker from anywhere in the world as long as he gets to a phone line every few months. What, is a pacemaker like a Tivo? Do you have to plug it into the phone line once a week to download updates? Can it store digital photos, too? Sebastian asks Cameron to join him in Africa for all his pacemaker-maintenance needs. She turns him down, saying she's "spoiled" by all this First World medical technology that never actually works the way it should. Sebastian is sick of waiting for the elevator to come because House is probably holding it on another floor just to enrage the rest of the elevator-dependant hospital population. He stands up and heads for the stairs, offering his chair to a sick old lady. Cameron follows, weakly trying to warn him that this is against hospital regulations.

On the stairs, Sebastian tells Cameron that she could actually become a better diagnostician if she didn't have high-tech stuff to rely on. Case in point: he totally thought he had TB, but House and some First World technology reveal that it was something entirely different. Oh, wait -- that would be the example that disproves Sebastian's theory. I'm sure there's one that proves it out there somewhere, though. Sebastian asks Cameron out to dinner to continue their discussion of Third World medicine and how much it sucks. Wow, that date might be even worse than Cameron's last one, which I didn't think was possible. She says that dating patients is against hospital regulations, which Sebastian dismisses by saying that the maintenance of objectivity that those regulations are for is overrated. If he maintained objectivity in Africa, the thought of millions of people dying unnecessarily would drive him crazy. By losing objectivity, you become a preachy self-righteous smug bastard who tells people that their inability to give more money has just killed another five people. That's much better.

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House

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