House
TB Or Not TB

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C+ | 3 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
That Isn't The Question

Cameron dotes on Sebastian, who's looking pretty sick. She tells him that his disease will progress until he can't breathe and dies, which I should point out is Cameron's idea of seductive bedroom talk. She offers to make Sebastian's last days "fairly comfortable," by which she means she'll provide painkillers, not sex. But probably that too. She says she hopes Sebastian can have one more "good day" so that they can go to that dinner. They hold hands. House bursts in and declares that he's going to make sure Sebastian gets the Third World treatment he wants so badly. He turns the room temperature up to Africa degrees, throws Sebastian's toothbrush and toothpaste away, turns off his TV, and flushes Sebastian's cell phone down the toilet, thereby clogging it and taking away Sebastian's indoor plumbing privileges. Sebastian says this won't change his mind. House says that Sebastian isn't the same as his patients, and that he's "cheapening" their plight by pretending that he is. Sebastian says he is the same as his patients. House asks how many of Sebastian's patients call press conferences on their deathbeds. Sebastian says that's the media treating him like he's special. He's taking advantage of it like the selfish jerk House thinks he is.

Sebastian holds his press conference, telling reporters that the pharmaceutical company that sponsors him has the drugs to save lives, but won't give them up for free because of this weird thing called "capitalism," and the need to charge money for products in order to stay in business. Not that I'm on the side of the pharmaceutical companies here, because I think they're greedy bastards who grossly overcharge for their product in countries without universal healthcare (i.e. America), but it's not fair to expect them to give out free drugs until they can't give anymore because they're out of business. Because then no one gets any drugs at all, free or not. Sebastian asks why he can get drugs for his TB but his African patients can't. "Where is your outrage?" Sebastian asks, noting that, in Africa, another person has just died needlessly.

Over in our favorite abused coma patient's room, House and Wilson watch the press conference on the TV. Foreman enters, answering House's page. House tells him to apologize to Cecilia, and then wonders aloud why self-sacrificing women in history, of whom he can think of only two (Joan of Arc and Mother Teresa) die alone, while the self-sacrificing men are surrounded by hot mamas like Cuddy and Cameron. A good point, but House's examples are flawed, since Joan of Arc was insane and had an ugly haircut and Mother Teresa was a nun. These things tend to make romantic relationships difficult. Foreman protests that he didn't do anything to upset Cecilia, but House orders him to apologize to her anyway and leave the patient-offending to the guy with the "mad skillz." Foreman says he only has to do this because Cuddy thinks House was the person who insulted Cecilia, not Foreman. House anvils that, in the real world, different people get different treatment. And then he notices that Sebastian is sweating, which is what House's little heat-turning-up move was actually designed to test. If Sebastian had TB, he wouldn't be able to cool himself by sweating and would be turning bright red right now. But he isn't. It's not TB.

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