House
The C-Word

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B+ | Grade It Now!
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CANCER!

Emily is in position for the puncture. She wonders if, when she dies, maybe her parents will get back together. Chase and Adams don't like the sound of that. And then Emily's arm stops working. BEEP BEEP BEEP! She's having a stroke!

More beeping in House's apartment. Wilson is vomiting. The situation is critical and House feels that Wilson needs to go to the hospital. "You can't win this." "I'd rather die here. Not in an ambulance. Not in a hospital." Wilson sobs as he begs House to promise that he won't do that to him. House promises. Wilson takes some more oxygen as the beeping continues.

Chase runs through the various symptoms as the team stands in the hallway. Park thinks it still sounds like textbook pulmonary embolism, although they've already ruled that out. Taub suggests a fungal infection. Nope. And House isn't answering. Park suggests a cancer, which Taub rejects as not fast-moving enough. Chase gets Epiphany Face and says a tumor could act like a clot. Nitro-Myxoma. A primary heart tumor. He explains the details in voice-over as we see some inside-the-body shot. He tells the family they'll remove the tumor and hope it's benign.

Morning. Wilson wakes up and House is there to give him a glass of water. House is limping more than usual and says it will be seven to ten days for the swelling to go down, and then they'll rescan and schedule the surgery. He opens the curtains to let daylight in. Wilson starts to apologize for the mean things he said last night and House tells him to "tone down the bromance" because his leg is killing him. House helps Wilson to the bathroom. "I thought you said you had plenty of Vicodin." "Everybody lies." Wilson asks if House feels like this all the time. "It really does suck being you, doesn't it?" "At least I don't have cancer."

The tumor is out and was benign. Emily is hoping she's not sick anymore. Well, she still has a genetic anomaly, but she gets to go to the aquarium with her parents.

Wilson and House enter the hospital. Wilson says he'll see House at lunch. House watches him leave and smiles a tiny bit.

Wilson goes into his office and looks around. He turns on his computer, which plays Journey's "Any Way You Want It." It's also showing a slide show of sexy ladies playing on his unconscious body, which has been dressed up in a variety of silly Hawaiian shirts and novelty sunglasses. He laughs and laughs. Which is fair, because it's pretty funny.

Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.

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House

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