Taub and Chase fix Ted's spine, and Nicole tells him that she spoke to her parents, who are "worried." Really? Because I kind of doubt her dad is. I think he's happy about all of this, actually. He's been against this marriage from the start! Ted says they shouldn't be, as "everything's going to be okay." And then the left corner of his mouth droops. Taub assumes it's a stroke, but his pupils are responsive and he can tell them his full name, so we'll go to commercial.
Taub and Chase find House in the cafeteria and tell him that Ted definitely doesn't have POTS and an MRI (OF DOOOM!!) showed no problems with bloodflow to Ted's brain. Once again, House cares more about Taub's personal life than Ted's case, asking if he was able to find any crappy pottery to pass off as his ceramics class project. Taub says he found some "fife and drum napkin rings" on eBay, but he spent a lot on them after a bidding war "with some lunatic." Because you'd have to be crazy to spend money on napkin rings, right? Except that Taub won the auction, so who's the lunatic now? House says Taub is lucky, because he could have gone much higher than $215 in that auction. Well, at least he's spending all of his free time looking for July 4th-related ceramics on eBay and then starting a bidding war with user iamtaub453 for them and not drinking his way into a child's bed. House's eBay username, by the way, is "kissmyasthma99." I'd like to think that there were 98 kissmyasthmas before him. House says they must have missed something in Ted's history and suggests calling Cotter in to question Ted, Nicole, and Cotter in the same room, because he thinks that will lead to the truth. Taub leaves, but Chase stays behind to invite House out for drinks with him and Foreman. So Wilson's way of keeping House from drinking too much alone is for him to go out drinking with other people? Okay. No one wants to do this and everyone knows it, but House accepts the invitation.
And so, Hadley and Taub have Cotter, Nicole, and Ted together in one room. All three agree that there have been no episodes of dizziness or seizures, but when it comes to blackouts, Nicole says none and Ted says "don't you think I would have told you if there were?" HA HA HA! He can't be serious with that, right? He obviously doesn't tell anybody anything, including himself! And then Cotter remembers an incident at his sister's birthday. Ted says he was just drunk (apparently, he was drunk all the time around Cotter), but Cotter says he only had one martini. "On an empty stomach," Ted says. Uh, Ted? I'm five feet tall and a lightweight besides, and even I can drink a martini on an empty stomach and not be anywhere near blacking out. "He was just sitting on the couch and then he fell over," Cotter says. Are we confusing blackouts with passing out? Because I'm pretty sure they're different. Also, how embarrassing for Cotter for his boyfriend to pass out drunk at his sister's birthday party. And Ted thinks he's the one who should be ashamed of Cotter? Ted says he was fine "after [he] slept it off," but Cotter says he was worried enough at the time to stay up all night checking on him every fifteen minutes. Nicole's just like, "Cotter's a really good boyfriend. I'd much rather be his beard than Ted's." Taub asks about sex. "Yes. I have sex with my girlfriend because I'm not gay," Ted insists. "We have sex," Nicole sighs. Hadley asks if there have been any "problems." Ted shakes his head no, but Nicole admits that "there have been some issues." "Every guy has it sometimes," Ted says of his occasion inability to get it up. Hadley and Taub look to Cotter, who says "we never had that problem" without trying to look very pleased with himself. "Gee, that must be because Ted doesn't like girls," Ted says. Um ... well ... yeah, pretty much. I mean, come on, Ted. Taub says it could be indicative of a vascular problem. Hadley has an idea of how they can test for it.