House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | 1334 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Oh, Brother

The Housemobile pulls up to a house. House keeps guessing at Hadley's crime, but she won't give it up. House praises her "game face." That's not a game face, House. That's Olivia Wilde's usual blank facial expression. Hadley gets out of the car and knocks on a door. A man played by special guest cameo star Damon Lindelof answers, only to be kneed in the crotch. Hadley talks to him while he crouches on his doorstep in agony, then calmly gets up and returns to the car. Lost fans everywhere who didn't like the finale cheer at watching the man who wrote it (and, um, created the show they loved so much, although I guess they forgot about that) get fake assaulted. Hadley gets back in the car and refuses to tell House who she just kneed in the balls or why.

Taub and Foreman ask Brian about the state of his home and how he manages to exist in it. Brian says he uses bottled water and flashlights in lieu of running water and electricity. "Like camping," he says. Yeah, just like camping. I know when I go camping, I always make sure to bring my dead cat and moldy bell peppers. Foreman says they believe Brian has a fungal infection and will also need be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Brian claims that he isn't a hoarder, but a "major slob." Ah, he's just lazy. I get it. Sometimes it's easier to just put the dead cat in the freezer than bury it in the backyard.

Hadley and House have dinner, and Hadley, despite claiming that she doesn't want House to know what she did to go to jail, brings it up, saying she's kind of disappointed that he couldn't figure out what she did. She figures he would have hired "Cuddy's weird boyfriend" to do some snooping, which is the perfect way for House to reveal that Cuddy isn't dating Lucas anymore and that up until a few episodes ago, she was dating House. Hadley thinks he's kidding, but then House looks all sad until she believes him. "Are you okay?" she pretends to care. House says he's fine. Hadley decides to take House's mind off his own problems by giving him a glimpse into hers. "I killed a man," she reveals. House wasn't expecting that, even though most of the people he employs are also murderers. Cameron helped Joel Grey kill himself, Chase straight-up murdered James Earl Jones, and I think we can say Foreman pretty much murdered that girl by not noticing her bra infection until after he killed off her immune system. Unlike Hadley, though, they don't get caught.

House

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