The Down Low

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A- | Grade It Now!
Three's Company

Hey, is that a new establishing shot of the Princeton area? And did Wilson also get himself a new haircut? Why yes, he did! And yet, they couldn't find the time to cut Jennifer Morrison out of the credits or put Peter Jacobson and Olivia Wilde into them even though they've been on the show for two seasons. How does that work? Anyway, Wilson is talking to his new neighbor at the Fuck You, Cuddy Condos about local hotspots. I sense his interest in a good coffeehouse has less to do with coffee than it does that she's an attractive woman. For her part, she makes sure to mention that she's single, because, hey -- he's a handsome doctor. Wouldn't you (until you found out he was thrice-divorced)? Oh, but things take a turn for the worse for Wilson when he asks the woman out, only for her to accept on the condition that he brings "that good-looking guy with the cane" along. Was this script written by Hugh Laurie? Oh wait, it gets worse! When Wilson asks if she means House, she says, "your boyfriend's name is House?" "He's not my boyfriend," Wilson sputters, as if this is the first time someone has thought that. I mean, come on now. The woman apologizes for her faux pas, then asks if they refer to themselves as husbands or partners. "We're not gay!" Wilson says. "Seriously?" the woman asks. You just met the guy and you're going to assume he isn't telling the truth? This woman is kind of a bitch. Move on, Wilson.

Taub sets Mickey up with a hearing test to see if he has that neuroma thing Foreman was talking about, then returns to the booth with Foreman, who shows him the paper he found on the ground earlier. It's a pay stub with Hadley's full name on it, revealing that her middle name is "Beauregard." What the hell? Is she a Southern man? Why are Hadley's parents so weird? Foreman thinks the pay stub is a fake planted by House to stir up jealousy among the other, lesser-paid Cottages. "There's no way she makes that much money," he scoffs. Oh really? "I make that much money," Taub says; "and apparently ... you don't."

House sticks Eddie in an exam room he's turned into a makeshift interrogation room and demands a sample of his drugs thusly: "I NEED THE DRUGS!" It does not get the intended result. "Hmm. Works for Jack Bauer," House says, adding, "who you can see on the new season of 24 in a four-hour, two-day season premiere beginning Sunday, January 17th at 9 PM following the hot new series Human Target!" Eddie gives a little by saying he "wishes" he could tell House what he wants to know. It turns out he can if he claims that he works in textiles. So House has to play a fun little game where he asks if Eddie deals in "H ... for hosiery." "We deal more in culottes," Eddie says, amazingly knowing the proper spelling of the word. I always thought it was "kulats" until I typed that in and the spell check yelled at me so I looked it up. House asks if Mickey "cuts" the "fabric," but Eddie says no -- "no one touches the culottes."

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