It's House's 100th episode! Let's celebrate with yet another Hadley Health Crisis! Yes, it turns out that one of the side effects of the Huntington's drug is sudden brain tumors, as Hadley discovers when she gets a headache and then goes blind. Foreman is forced to come clean with her about switching the placebo with the real drug, and she decides that he is way too into her after just two weeks of dating and dumps him. She also decides, with some convincing from House, that Foreman shouldn't tell the drug company what he did and throw his career away. Instead, Foreman and House give Hadley some secret radiation and then she's fine and back together with the man who gave her a brain tumor. She also manages to miss pretty much the entire case of the week, a former cancer researcher who quit her job when she was on the brink of curing retinoblastoma because she'd rather learn how to cook than save potentially millions of lives. Karma gets her back but good, as a bunch of endometrial cells were released into her bloodstream during surgery in her uterus eight months ago, only to land in various parts of her body and multiply and form little mini-uteruses that swell and bleed just like the real thing during a certain time of the month. That's right -- House is marking 100 episodes with yet another case that shows us how being a woman is deadly dangerous. She'll be fine, and her message of doing what makes you happy instead of clinging onto the same rut and routine gets through to both Wilson and Taub. Now Wilson is free to wash Amber's old dishes and Taub has come down with a Cuddy case of baby fever. Speaking of Cuddy, she decides to get back at House for indirectly forcing her to come back to work and away from her baby by pulling various childish pranks on him, including stealing his cane and putting a tripwire in front of his office door. Then she feels bad and apologizes, and House reminds that she sucks at her job. As for Cameron and Chase, they celebrate 100 episodes by being invisible. Same old story.
Hey everybody! It's the 100th episode of House! Fox wants you to think this is a big deal, but I remember another show that reached 200 episodes before it finally left our airwaves, and it was called 7th Heaven. Not to rain on the House team's parade too much, but I hope they bear in mind that quality is more important than quantity. Anyway, House does its own version of Hell's Kitchen by starting this week's episode off in a cooking class. A snarky teacher orders his snarky aide to chop some onions, and when she does it too slowly, asks if she's planning on giving them a Thai massage. "I guess a happy ending is out of the question," she fires back, much to the delight of the observing crowd who all look like dorks. When the teacher goes on to talk about reconstituting porcini mushrooms, the aide starts feeling sick. She manages to diagnose herself with a spontaneous pneumothorax and say she's a doctor before collapsing.
And if you thought the new Cottages would get a space in the opening credits for the 100th episode, you thought wrong.
Foreman and Hadley couldn't care less about the doctor chef aide's problems this morning, as they're in bed together just in case you forgot they're a couple. Although I don't know how you could forget, what with all that chemistry that explodes across the screen whenever they're in a scene together. Foreman watches Hadley sleep. When she wakes up, he informs her that she drools. What a jerk.
Wilson spends his morning washing dishes 'cause he's a nerd like that. There's a mug left on the counter, but he apparently decides to leave it there.
House arrives at PPTH only to discover horrible news: both elevators are out of service for "scheduled maintenance." Hey, those elevators have worked hard these last 100 episodes. They deserve this. On the other hand, that's the worst maintenance scheduling I've ever seen. It's a hospital. Full of sick people who need to use the elevator. Schedule maintenance on one elevator, and then, when it's working again, do the other. Don't do them both at the same time. Dicks.
House is forced to climb the stairs. He finally arrives at the meeting room to find the Cottages (except for Kumar) waiting for him. Taub makes a crack at the fact that House is out of breath, meaning he must have walked all the way to work since gas is so expensive. Oh, suck. Gas is cheap again! Taub's joke is already dated. Hadley gives House all of three seconds to recover before thrusting a new patient file in his face. Cancer researcher Dana Miller correctly diagnosed herself with a spontaneous pneumothorax. Unfortunately for her, she's been admitted to PPTH. House doesn't want to take the case until a bunch of other doctors have come up short, but Hadley thinks Dana should get special House treatment because she's about five or ten years away from curing retinoblastoma. If I'm ever admitted to a hospital, I now know that the way to preferential treatment from the facility's best and brightest is to claim that I'm a hot-shot cancer-curing doctor. Good to know. House accuses Hadley of being partial to this patient because she's about to cure something incurable and Hadley herself has an incurable disease. Yeah, but it's not retinoblastoma. As we all know by now, it's Huntington's. And I don't have an incurable terminal illness, but I'd be just as eager as Hadley because it's about freaking time doctors cured something. It's been a long time since the polio vaccine. Of course, Foreman agrees with Hadley that they should take the case and tries to make it attractive to House by saying that Dana has no reason for lung trouble. No smoking, no scuba diving, nothing. House randomly takes his pulse as Kumar arrives late. His lack of heavy breathing indicates to House that he didn't take the stairs. Kumar says that's correct -- he took the elevators. Apparently, maintenance time is over. With that, House sends the Cottages off to test for Hadley's theory of late-onset asthma with a CT scan and shoot Dana full of steroids before they get the results.