The Jerk

Episode Report Card
admin: A | 1 USERS: A-
Jerked Around
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We open in the middle of a speed chess match. Several speed chess matches, actually, as we see rows of tables occupied by teenagers who wish they had friends. At one table in particular, we see a particularly obnoxious kid telling his opponent that he's lost the game when he's barely had the chance to play. The kid insists on not giving up, and the obnoxious guy sighs and taunts him some more. They play for a while, and shots of people slamming the timer thing always look cool. Finally, the obnoxious kid starts singing the familiar refrain of "na na na na hey hey hey goodbye" as he slides his bishop into a place from which his opponent cannot escape. His opponent, by the way, has got to be the most attractive man ever to play the game. Gracious, too, as he lays down his king and extends a hand for the obnoxious kid to shake, telling him good game. He starts losing his patience when the obnoxious kid merely glares at the extended hand. But something's clearly wrong, as the ominous music starts up and the obnoxious kid stands and looks pained. Suddenly, he grabs the chess timer and brains the hot guy with it, follows him to the floor, and beats him some more. Blood everywhere! Kids stand and gasp while the adults pull the obnoxious/homicidal kid away from the hot/dying kid. The slyer players take advantage of the distraction to move their pieces into more advantageous positions on their boards. The proctors tend to both kids, as one is bleeding profusely and the other screams that his head feels like it's going to explode.

When we come back, Chase is examining the obnoxious kid, who's named Nate, checking his eyes and asking him if his head still hurts. "Are you a moron?" Nate asks, pointing out how obvious it is that he's still in pain. Nate's pathetic mother stands in the corner and ineffectively tells her son to be nicer. He isn't, asking Chase if he still has theme birthday parties and saying that his trouble concentrating in school is limited to wanting to suck on his French teacher's boobs. Don't say that in front of your mom, Nate. By the way, props to the casting department for Nate -- the actor looks exactly like an asshole teenage chess prodigy should. Chase asks Mom if Nate eats sushi, believing a parasite to be the cause of his head pain, but Mom says her son was a vegetarian until a few months ago and his behavior hasn't changed since his new diet. Mom adds that ever since her darling son became a teenager, he's been a total asshole. She claims that no matter how much she yells and punishes him, he still acts like this. Yes, well, I do believe the phrase "box his ears" was created just for boys like Nate, Mom. I don't endorse physical punishment for children...usually. Nate, meanwhile, is sarcastically crying about his mother's woes of raising the worst kid ever while Chase stares at him disbelievingly.

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