House
The Jerk

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | 1 USERS: A-
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Jerked Around

On his way out, House tells Cuddy the real reason for his visit: to get approval to give a sixteen-year-old magic mushrooms for cluster headaches. Man, what is it with House and bad headaches and hallucinogens? First we have LSD for migraines and now magic mushrooms for cluster headaches! What's next, peyote for eyestrain? Anyway, Cuddy says no problem, and House leaves. Of course, she chases him back out, saying that she was being sarcastic, like there's any point to doing that with House. Will you ever learn, Cuddy? House says a court transcript won't show sarcasm, although if anyone has experience with saying things for court transcripts, it's Cuddy! House says his crazy idea has medical merit: there's a chemical in 'shrooms that will cure Nate's cluster headaches. Cuddy asks him if he's considered the "severe paranoia" Nate will experience as a side effect. She does not mention any of the other side effects Nate will experience, many of which are a lot of fun. So I've heard. House thinks it's better for a Dean of Medicine to order the 'shroom treatment than a doctor with a history of drug abuse, saying it will "take the stink off if the patient decides to put on a cape and fly off the roof." What-ever, 'shrooms. PCP makes you bust through windows without needing a cape, according to That Afterschool Special With Helen Hunt. Ridiculously, Cuddy agrees to the treatment, as long as it's low-dose and "tightly controlled," and Nate's mom signs the consent form. "Party on, Garth. And don't stand in Foreman's way. It's just wrong," says the guy on his way to giving illegal drugs to a teenager to treat headaches we aren't even sure that he has.

Nate could not be more thrilled about this new course of treatment, kind of like how I felt when I found out my wisdom tooth surgery would involve laughing gas. Those five minutes were some good times, followed soon after by several days of swollen cheeks, pain, blood, and more pain. Nate urges his mom to sign the consent form so he can begin trippin', but she's understandably hesitant. "I went to college, I know about mushrooms," Nate's mom reveals. She's a lot cooler than I gave her credit for. Not that drugs are cool, it's just that uptight, cardigan-wearing, spineless moms didn't seem the type to do 'shrooms. "A friend of a friend shot himself in the foot," she continues. What is this, 7th Heaven? Bring on the drugs! Nate orders her to sign the form, even stooping to calling her by her first name, Enid. Chase says that they'll be monitoring Nate to make sure he doesn't flip out, although the way he's gritting his teeth when he says this would make me question just how dedicated Chase is to making sure Nate doesn't harm himself. When presented with the other option for Nate -- brain surgery -- and with Nate saying that the pain is getting worse and he "needs...'shrooms...NOW," Enid signs the form. Cue the trippy music!

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