The Jerk

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | 1 USERS: A-
Jerked Around

But Nate doesn't care who was right about what so long as he doesn't have a brain biopsy. He wants more 'shrooms. His mom immediately gives her consent for the procedure over Nate's protests, because she says she can't take Nate anymore. Nate tells her to stop with the "melodramatic pandering" and to go get herself "coited," like, who's melodramatic now with the Shakespearean/Victorian England terms? Enid displays an expression that's either anger at being spoken to this way or wonder about what "coited" means. Chase goes to get a sedative, but it turns out he won't need one, as Nate's eyes start rolling back in his head. He does manage to offer Enid to Chase before he passes out. Chase takes a look at Nate's gums and finds them looking jaundiced.

After the commercial, Chase says that they're trying to treat Nate, but his liver is shutting down fast. House says he'll be dead before Foreman's last day, which Foreman reacts to with a sulk. House adds liver failure to the list of symptoms, and Chase says liver failure could cause all the other symptoms. House points out that the liver failure came after everything else, so unless Nate's liver is traveling in a time machine, Chase's theory doesn't work. But who cares about Nate and his quickly approaching death when there's Foreman to deal with? House devotes precious time to telling Foreman to contribute, and Foreman guesses it might be Wilson's disease. But tests results have already ruled that out, along with other common causes of liver failure. Foreman gets a page from Cuddy and House lets him go, seeing how Foreman isn't helping them anyway. He turns back to the remaining Cottages and says that if they've ruled out all the bad things Nate could be putting into his body to destroy his liver, they'll have to move onto the good things. Chase tells them that Nate just started eating meat a few months ago. Cameron doesn't see how meat could cause any of Nate's symptoms, but House can think of one way: Ornithine Transcarbamylase Deficiency, a rare genetic disorder where the body lacks a certain enzyme that helps break down nitrogen in the body, causing liver damage. House tells them to "run a Hamburger Test," which is not, as you'd expect, a test named after the German doctor who created it, but simply making Nate eat a lot of red meat and seeing what happens to his ammonia levels. If he has OTC deficiency, what they're doing is basically poisoning him, but who cares?

Foreman reports to Cuddy, who makes him an offer she doesn't think he can refuse: doubling his salary and giving him his own diagnostic group to lead. WHAAAAAA? Come on, Cuddy! Why are you rewarding a guy whose shitty diagnostic medicine skills recently killed a patient with his own diagnostic team that PPTH doesn't even need? They have House, and he costs them enough money and hospital resources, as has been previously established. And yet, Cuddy promises Foreman "complete autonomy," which didn't work when the Brits promised it to the Americans during the Revolutionary War and doesn't work now. Foreman sneers that when he eventually gets a case he can't solve, it'll go to House, like, way to trust your abilities there, Foreman. House doesn't go around assuming that he'll get a case he can't solve, does he? Cuddy says Foreman can let the patient die if he doesn't want to go to House -- he has that choice. Wow, this seems like a deal that certainly has the patients' best interests at heart. Fortunately, after some thinking and a bit of the sad music theme I really like, Foreman rejects the offer. Cuddy can't believe it and asks him why. "Because he's evil," Foreman says. Cuddy says if he's basing that on House sabotaging his job interview, he shouldn't. House didn't sabotage the interview -- Cuddy did. Foreman turns and leaves the room, but Cuddy calls him back saying that she didn't really sabotage the interview. The fact that Foreman believed her when she said she did, though, means that he still had some faith in House. That's not enough for Foreman, who says that if it wasn't House who did it, was someone at PPTH. "I can't work here," he says, like he's above that kind of thing.

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