The Jerk

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | 1 USERS: A-
Jerked Around

I guess I should get back to recapping shows that exist outside of my own mind. Wilson says he wants Foreman to leave PPTH, thinking that House needs someone to stand up to him. No one else will, Wilson points out: "Cameron's in love with him, Chase is afraid of him, and I enable him." Cuddy tries to say that she stands up to House, but we all know that's not true, and Wilson cuts her off at the knees by pointing out that her idea of putting limits on House includes authorizing magic mushrooms for teenagers. "House is a six-year-old who thinks he's better off without parents. A few tummyaches after dinners of ice cream and ketchup might do him some good," Wilson says in a speech that he's totally been rehearsing in his head all day while waiting for someone to actually talk to him. Cuddy thinks Wilson's lying, since if he was the enabler he claims to be, he'd be enabling House to keep Foreman as an employee. Then again, if the result he wanted was for Foreman to leave, that's what he got, since, as Cuddy says, that interview sabotage pretty much guarantees that Foreman's leaving. Wilson reacts to this with some smell-the-fart acting.

House is stuck in Clinic duty, where his patient is a man old enough to know better with severe sunburns all over his face and torso after spending the day working on his boat with his son. He's not concerned with the burns so much as the strange white circles in the middle of them. He fears all the chemicals associated with boat-working-on are to blame. House tells him to lie down while he asks the son if Daddy likes to drink a lot and then pass out in the hot sun while supposedly working on his boat, all without applying sunblock. The kid nods. House whips out a syringe and pushes the plunger in, shooting water all over the dad who is at this point the human embodiment of Homer Simpson. "D'oh!" he says. Bart laughs, and House offers him the syringe watergun in exchange of the one dollar and forty-one cents he guesses he has in his pocket. Bart eagerly ponies up, and Homer asks House how he knew how much money Bart had. House places the coins on Homer's chest, and they all match perfectly with the white spots. Looks like someone tossed money on Daddy's chest while he was sleeping it off. "Why you little--!" Homer says. House finds a Canadian quarter in the change and demands the syringe back. Bart returns it, and House looks ridiculously outraged that the kid tried to cheat him like that. Hee!

House exits the exam room and practically runs into the Cottages, who report that the hamburger test didn't produce a change in Nate's ammonia levels. Foreman contributes this time, and House welcomes him back to work. Foreman apologizes for taking his personal problems out on their patient, although if any patient deserves it, it's Nate. House graciously accepts the apology and has a few more diagnostic tricks up his sleeve. He suggests that diabetic steatosis is killing Nate's liver and tells them to starve him overnight and test his blood sugar. That's always fun. Chase worriedly says they could set off another rage attack that way, but House shrugs and says he's sure Chase can "take him." No, he can't.

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