House

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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New Kids On The Block

For someone who's never had a drink before, the shot of tequila sure does go down easy for 18. Meanwhile, Greta wishes House had chosen a different alcohol, since tequila is gross. For real, Greta. While House pours shot number five, he asks 18 about the Mormon Magic Underwear. Why is everyone so obsessed with Mormon Magic Underwear? A not-at-all drunk 18 asks House if that's why he's here tonight, allowing House to says he's the "big drinker" control in the experiment. 13 is the "mid-drinker" control. House asks 18 why he doesn't care about Mormon rules anymore, and 18 says "LDS doesn't try to dictate every detail of our lives. When a situation isn't clear, we're encouraged to make our own decisions." Except that this situation was pretty clear. You're not allowed to drink, and you are drinking. I have a certain respect for those Jehovah's Witnesses who won't accept a blood transfusion, even if it means certain death. "You're an atheist," 18 guesses. Uh, duh, 18. "Only on Christmas and Easter," House says. "The rest of the time, it doesn't really matter." House, you moron: Christmas and Easter are the two times where you want to be religious, because Christian = presents and Cadbury Creme Eggs. House quickly grows tired of arguing with this black guy and goes off to argue with another, as he sees Foreman strolling past the room in slow motion. The Cottages really need to learn to walk faster. Patient lives could depend on it! Speaking of, House runs out of the room just as Greta starts going into respiratory arrest. 18 and 13 are stuck being drunk and unable to do anything to Greta to save her that would be detected by NASA.

House chases after Foreman, but he runs into Cuddy instead. She thinks something is up with House, as the tests he's ordered for Greta so far have been teeth-density measuring and other things that won't get her in trouble with NASA and are medically unimportant. Cuddy also tells House that Foreman is "running the diagnostic department at New York Mercy," which is bad news for any of Mercy's patients with bra infections. Also, Cuddy wants to know why House's breath smells of alcohol and totally can't believe that House would drink at work on the job even though he's done it before. Cuddy needs to get her amnesia problem checked out. House returns to Greta's room and finds her, 13, and 18 gone and an oxygen mask on the floor that's so important they zoomed in on it three times.

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House

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