House

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New Kids On The Block

House finds the Numbers and Greta in the PPTH Stress Test Of Death room. Greta is gasping into an oxygen mask as 13 says that they can explain this away by saying the oxygen was administered as part of a routine stress test. Did they really need to do it in the exercise room, though? I mean, really? They couldn't just give her the oxygen in her room and just say it was part of the stress test? House asks whose idea that was, but 13 remains cryptic and says it was a "joint decision." Considering that 18's never had a drink before and just did four shots of tequila in a relatively short time, I'd say it was 13's. Anyway, House is bored with Greta already, so he starts asking 13 questions about the male abandonment issues I wasn't aware she had instead of treating her. 13 remains cool as a cucumber. By the way, this week, I found out I am allergic to cucumbers. Apparently, not everyone's mouth itches when they eat fresh cucumbers. Or cantaloupes. Or bananas. Bummer.

House actually does some work and listens to Greta's crappy lungs while tapping on them with his finger. This tells him something somehow. Whatever it is, it's not good, as he gets an unusually sad/sympathetic expression on his face and tells Greta that the game is over. She needs a lung biopsy to determine if she has lung cancer or tuberous sclerosis. Greta is more upset that this will mean she can't fly to the moon than she is about the fact that she's kinda dying. House says that not every dream can come true -- he never opened for Springsteen or slept with Barbara Feldon. A Get Smart reference? This is why this is my favorite show. Sorry about that, Top Chef. Missed it by that much. Greta refuses to consent to a biopsy. Right, because NASA will be totally cool with letting someone with tuberous sclerosis/lung cancer go flying into space. Just get your ashes shot up there like Scotty did, Greta. The way things are going, you'll be reduced to them pretty soon.

House asks the class how they can test Greta's lungs without getting NASA's attention. 18 says the concern isn't the test itself so much as the scars it will leave that NASA is sure to see. 18 suggests Plastic Surgeon 39 should be able to conceal them just fine. Yeah, about that...does Greta think that NASA won't be asking her about the burns all over her chest? The ones shaped like defibrillator paddles? 39 says no plastic surgeon is good enough to conceal scars like that, as he clearly hasn't seen the plastic surgeons who advertise in the Pennysaver I keep getting in the mail despite my pleas to them to stop sending it to me. Kumar thinks they should just drug Greta and do the surgery, and I love that he's still wearing the 6 upside down like it even matters anymore. 2 worries that Greta will sue them for this, but Anne points out that Greta doesn't really have a leg to stand on, since she's trying to lie to the government and Anne will totally tell on Greta to the government if she has to. Or even if she's bored on a lazy Sunday. Whatever. 39 has an idea: they give Greta some "elective cosmetic surgery," thereby giving them access to her lungs to do the necessary tests and providing an explanation for her scars. Plus, she gets big gazongas. House loves this suggestion even more than Kumar's drinking test. "One giant rack for mankind," House muses. Dude, 39 just said he was giving her C-cups. If those are giant, then...uh...this woman I know with Ds must be some kind of freak monster.

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House

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