House

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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New Kids On The Block

House lets Pilot into the room, and she's a bit taken aback to see so many people waiting for her. Good thing Row C is gone, or else she would have been really surprised. House tells the candidates (I need to figure out a new name for them...but I have none. "Cottages" was pretty much the depth of my brilliance) that he will be addressing them by the numbers they're wearing, which is awesome both because the idea of him calling people numbers is funny, and also because I guess I can call them the Numbers. Or is it the Numb3rs? No, that's only if the show is on CBS (Fridays at 10!). 39, an older guy, but not as old a guy as Old Guy (26), starts in with the questions, asking Pilot if the synesthesia is new, if she has any psychiatric problems, and if she's on any drugs. Then he asks House if they should trust her answers. Geez, 39, she's right in the room. House says they can trust that the Pilot isn't a junkie, to which Anne Dudek, whose number remains frustratingly hidden for the entire episode, asks if they can trust House's answers, like, he's right in the room! He says they have to trust somebody. "No," Anne says breezily. I like her. She asks Pilot if any family members or co-workers have been sick lately. Pilot says no. Olivia Wilde (last seen on The OC lesbian-ing it up and not seen on The Black Donnellys because no one watched that show), a.k.a. 13, gets to ask next. Her question is a goodie, and she totally knows it, based on the smug way she asks: "Do you spend a lot of time above twenty thousand feet?" Clearly, 13 has been doing some research on Wikipedia. She says the problem could be a leg clot that got into Pilot's brain. House orders 13, 32, and 39 off to give Pilot an EEG, an MRI (of DOOOM!) and an angiogram.

He asks the remaining Numbers how many of them think Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, and Kumar (a.k.a. 6, but I'm sticking with Kumar) has to smart-ass something about the CIA until House tells him to shut up and sends the reasonably thinking, non-conspiracy-theorists off to split into two groups. One will test Pilot's blood, and one will test her stool. Clearly, one group is more desirable to be in than the other. House asks the remaining Numbers who likes the designated hitter. I don't even know what that means, and two blonde twins raise their hands and are scolded for being wrong. House sends the DH-likers off to test Pilot's cultures and do an LP. Three people raise their hands to say that they don't know what a designated hitter is, and their reward is Pilot's address, along with orders to break into her house. "Vy don't ve just ask theee patient for the key?" asks 2, sounding just like Linka from Captain Planet. House tells her that wouldn't really accomplish much in their mission to find out what Pilot is hiding, and then he makes fun of her for being foreign. Wheelchair Guy asks House what the remaining Numbers should do.

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House

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