House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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New Kids On The Block

10 and 2 attempt to open the window using a screwdriver until it's opened for them -- by Old Guy, who used his Old Guy charms to convince the building super to let him into the apartment to check on his niece. "Nice guy -- two daughters at Mount Holyoke," he says. Oh, someone's got some lesbians for daughters! Super will probably never figure that out, though, as his powers of observation truly suck, considering that Pilot is kinda black and Old Guy is kinda white, so the chances of them being related are pretty slim.

13, 32, and 39 give House some results on Pilot, although they do have some trouble with the image on House's computer, which is evidently a naked woman "spooning" a naked porpoise. I'd have more of a problem if the porpoise were clothed, to be honest. Anyway, Sea World has really gone family-unfriendly with its calendars this year. Only one thing can take House's eyes off the naked chick, and that is...Chase, whom we see walking down the hall outside House's office in slow motion, which has to be awkward for the rest of the people in the hall. They probably keep bumping into him or stepping on his heels. House runs outside, but Chase is gone. The Numbers keep trying to do their job, except for 32, who apparently wasn't paid to have more than five lines and therefore says nothing. Pilot has an elevated red blood cell count. House guesses carbon monoxide poisoning, based on the broken fireplace that 2, 10, and Old Guy found in her apartment. Anne walks up and reports that House's car is clean. House asks her if she just saw a "blond guy with a pretentious accent." "Can't see an accent," Anne counters. Well, you can if you have synesthesia! And since when was an Australian accent "pretentious?" Isn't it the accent of British criminals and kangaroos? House wipes the smug smile off of Anne's face by asking for the car keys that he totally knows she stole and sending her off to put Pilot in a hyperbaric chamber.

Anne joins 18 and Kumar, who explains the process to Pilot and sounds kind of dumb while doing it. I don't know, he just sounds dumb. There are some people who can't sound smart, like Denise Richards when she played a scientist in that Bond movie. Maybe Kal Penn is one of them. While he does this, 18 pulls Anne outside to ask her why she's been on her phone the whole time instead of paying attention to the patient. Meanwhile, by asking Anne about this, 18 has assured that both he and Anne are not paying attention to Pilot. Also, mind your own business, 18. Anne explains that she's checking on one of her patients, as she has no intention of quitting her current job until she knows for a fact she has this one. 18 doesn't approve of this, because he's the new Cameron. Meanwhile, thanks to him taking both of them away from Pilot, they weren't there to observe her vitals, which aren't doing so well. "I think she's having a heart attack," Kumar guesses. "No, I just feel a little funny..." Pilot says, trailing off at the end of her sentence because she passes out.

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House

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