House
The Socratic Method

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Pennies From Hell

House gives the Martins the particulars of the case. Foreman wants to know what the hell they're wasting their time with a simple DVT for. House duhs that she's way too young to get a DVT in the absence of outside trauma, of which there was none. Cameron asks if that means House took a history. House says he has some notes, which he confesses aren't his: "But they're reliable, I think, for the purposes of this discussion." I guess inveterate note-takers are the one exception to the House credo that people are LYING LIARS who LIE. House adds that the mother is schizophrenic, but that schizophrenia isn't the cause of DVT. This seems like a weird note on which to end the scene, but the sooner we get to House prescribing treatment, the..."better"?

House continues in this vein, telling Wilsensei that not much is known about schizophrenia, so maybe there is a connection after all. Wilsensei says that House's taking an interest in a woman with a bump in her leg is "like Picasso deciding to whitewash a fence." Good Lord. Are Cameron and Wilsensei switching roles this week? Because if so, Cameron had better get ready for a busy episode of doing nothing readily apparent except following House around and possibly having off-screen sex with him. House and Wilsensei bicker for no apparent reason until, for no apparent reason, House barks, "Fumigation of the vagina!" And there he just proved that leg trauma and schizophrenia do in fact go hand in hand. Or not, as he adds that, a thousand years ago in ancient Greece, that was the treatment for schizophrenia. If there were any male schizophrenics back then, I'm not sure I want to know what their treatment entailed. House babbles on about antiquated treatments, and then tells Wilsensei that he's going to see his patient. Wilsensei points out that House won't see his sane patients because they LIE, so why would he talk to a woman with no grasp on reality? House is probably running out of crazy treatment options and figured he'd ask for a few suggestions. House says that without the schizophrenic Socrates, we wouldn't have the Socratic method, which is the best method of teaching. He then babbles about vaginal fumigation and Pink Floyd. Since he's so hot on the method, I'll pose a question: what the fuck was the point of that scene?

Well, I'm back on the ground, after my new high-tech laptop only held its charge for about an hour and a half. I'm not sure I can go back to recapping earthbound, though. The terrifying highs! I could spend the TV season flying from place to place solely for the thrill of recapping in mid-air, but that would get pretty expensive, and did I mention the bitter pill of the HOUR AND A HALF? Anyway, I'll soldier on. House enters Friedman's mom's room and tells Friedman that he'd like to spend some time alone with her. Friedman's Spidey Sense of Sex goes off, and he protests that House will need him to fill in the history, but House says he's got his notes, and sends Friedman down to the cafeteria. He tells Friedman to get whatever he wants for himself, but that House wants a "Reuben sandwich, dry, no fries, hold the pickles." Good thing he didn't place that order in a Jewish deli. The looks he would get! He hands Friedman his pager and says he'll beep him when they're done. Just don't send a message of "Your mom knows what she's doing in bed," House. The kid has been through enough as it is. Friedman's mom cries, "No! Pickles!" proving, once again, that she is crazy. House sits down next to her and intones, "Nice kid. How much do you really drink?" Friedman's mom lolls her head his way.

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