Episode Report Card
Sara M: A- | 1 USERS: B
Identity Crisis

The Cottages leave, but Wilson and Cuddy stay. Wilson has his hands on his hips and looks all stern, so House takes off because he isn't in the mood for a lecture. As soon as he's out the door, Wilson tells Cuddy what he thinks is wrong with House: "he's on heroin." Cuddy thinks that's ridiculous, until Wilson gives her his proof: House is only happy when he's high and he isn't using his hands to support his bad leg when he moves it, which means he's taking something stronger than Vicodin. That's enough for Cuddy, who wants to know what they should do now. Start a grunge band?

Did you really think we were going to follow Kumar and Taub on their school search? Hell no! It's all about Foreman and Hadley in Jackson's bedroom. Meanwhile, they're wearing thick winter coats and the window in Jackson's room is wide open. Way to run up the heating bill, Jackson. That is such a girl thing to do. Hadley is concerned about House, but Foreman wants to talk about Hadley instead. Specifically, he wants to know if she misses sleeping with women. Hadley says she does. She misses sleeping with other men, too. And she's sure Foreman misses sleeping with other women. That's the whole thing about monogamy. Hadley compares it to being stuck eating the same flavor of ice cream for the rest of your life. She also compares Foreman to rocky road. I think he's more of a vanilla, though. So plain, so boring. The gist of it is that the fact that she's a bisexual doesn't make her any more or less likely to cheat on Foreman than if she was heterosexual. She asks Foreman why he's suddenly worried about her sexuality, and he admits that Kumar said she would dump him for another women. Hadley puts two and two together, saying that Taub was talking shit about Foreman to her today, too. Clearly, they're jerking them around because they know they never broke up. Or maybe it's just because they hate you guys because you get all the screen time, and they know the only way they can get any for themselves is to talk about your relationship. Anyway, this is bad news for Hadley and Foreman, since if Taub and Kumar figured it out, then House surely must have, too. Foreman knows House well enough to know that he'd handle that one of two ways: jerk them around or fire them. And since he isn't firing them, he'll jerk them around instead. Which is much better than being fired, so Foreman's happy. By the way, Jackson's room is full of posters about basketball and dance, including one plugging the Fox show So You Think You Can Dance? -- how has his mother allowed this? Wouldn't she have ripped them down with one hand while shooting him up with copious amounts of testosterone with the other? With that, Hadley finds a poem in Jackson's drawer.

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