House

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Home Despot
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Two men argue in a car with diplomat plates. One of the men is played by James Earl Jones, so you know this will be awesome. Apparently, James Earl Jones' character, Dibala, is the "president" (dictator) of an African country that will not be named because it doesn't exist and in America for a UN meeting. It's going on right now, but Dibala snuck out of it to visit his son, who is a student, I'm guessing at Princeton. His aide, Ntila (well, he's credited as Ntila, although Dibala calls him "Joseph." I'm confused), thinks leaving the security of the UN building is a bad idea, but Dibala doesn't care. Suddenly, the car is stopped when a large van pulls up in front of it, and Dibala no doubt regrets his decision. A man gets out of the van as Ntila rushes out of the car with his gun drawn and ready to fire. But the man is just presenting Dibala with a "civil subpoena." Yes, he's one of those non-violent hippie types, and he's suing Dibala for crimes against humanity and all sorts of terrible things. The van takes off, its passengers so freaking lucky not to have their faces shot off since Ntila would probably have been justified to think they were a threat and he's got diplomatic immunity anyway, and Dibala exits the car to look at the subpoena, which he then barfs blood on. Good thing they put it in that ziplock bag!

Cuddy has called Cameron and Chase into her office to ask them to temporarily work for Foreman until he can find new Cottages to replace Taub and Hadley. Chase is more shocked that Foreman fired his girlfriend than he is that Cuddy thinks so little of him and Cameron that she expects them to be okay with leaving their positions as the only ER doctor and the only surgeon to work for Foreman, who sucks at everything. Case in point: "you two are both competent and I know I can work with you," Foreman says. Such a sweet talker. Chase thinks it'll be "interesting," but Cameron isn't so hot on the idea of treating "one of the most repressive dictators in the world." No, no, Cameron. Foreman is your boss, not the patient. Oh -- she meant Dibala. He's a jerk, too. Foreman doesn't see how this is any different than when they treated death row inmate LL Cool J, but Cameron says LL Cool J went back to jail after they cured him, whereas Dibala will go back to his country and murder millions of people. Also, Cameron was too busy in that episode trying to avoid telling a woman she had terminal cancer to care about LL Cool J. Cuddy steps up and tells Cameron to stop caring about a fictional ethnic group thousands of miles away who will all be killed if Dibala recovers and start doing her job. Normally, I'd agree with Cuddy here and tell Cameron to shut up, but ... millions of people is a lot of people. I'd rather let Dibala barf up blood than have their blood on my hands. But I also didn't take an oath to treat people and stuff, so I guess Cameron is kind of screwed.

On their way to the meeting room, Chase asks Foreman about Hadley, urging him to reconsider firing her. Oh, please. Chase doesn't care about Hadley. Why would he even bring her up? Foreman says he knows he made the right decision -- it was either risk her dumping him for firing her or have the relationship end for sure because they couldn't work together. With that, they enter the meeting room, only to stop short in horror/shock and in one case (Cameron) happiness when they see House seated at the head of the table. "Oh my god, it's three years ago. Does that mean I'm still crazy?" he says. Once again -- House never was crazy. I mean, I thought he pretty clearly was, but then they gave him anti-depressants and made him talk about his feelings and sent him on his way without ever addressing the hallucinations, so apparently I was wrong. Foreman: "you're back?" Chase: "we're just helping out." Cameron: "you look good." Oh, Cameron. You never change. House already knows the situation, since he "ran into" Hadley while she was cleaning out her locker. Hadley, you can't clean your locker out on the same day as your firing? Really? Foreman makes it clear that he and Hadley are still together (although it seems that Hadley told House the opposite) and asks if he is coming back to PPTH. "Sort of," House non-answers. He won't have his medical license for another month, so he's perfectly happy to let Foreman take the reigns and just "pitch in" every once in a while. It's full of holes, but it's so nice to see House, Cameron, Chase, and Foreman together again that I will take it.

Chase tries to talk about the case. Dibala thinks his lung ulcers are from an assassination attempt using polonium, but Foreman says the FBI has already ruled that out. "Acid reflux," Cameron guesses. Yes, Cameron, it's acid freaking reflux. Give the guy barfing copious amounts of blood some Tums and send him on his way. Foreman likes malaria, noting that Dibala had a bug bite on his hand that could be from a mosquito that was carrying the disease. That's quite a reach, but he's ready to throw some anti-malaria pills at the guy without testing for it first. House clears his throat loudly and conspicuously and tells Foreman that malaria is a rushed diagnosis made only to get Foreman out of the room and away from House. His diagnosis is dioxin poisoning with the bug bite actually being chloracne, a symptom of it. Chase likes it, of course. Foreman tells them to start treating Dibala for dioxin with "olestra." Olestra? Isn't that the stuff they used to put in potato chips that gave everyone diarrhea? Bad news for Dibala! With Chase and Cameron gone, Foreman asks House why he didn't just say dioxin in the beginning. "I was hoping you'd get there on your own," House says. Zing!

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