House
Three Stories

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A+ | 4 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Something For Everyone

Patient A is a farmer. We cut to a bucolic little farm scene. Patient A, dressed in the stereotypical hick farmer attire the local paper of my Connecticut hometown always put editorial cartoon representatives of its residents in, down to and including a long strand of hay in his mouth, is fixing a fence. House narrates that the farmer experienced tightness in his ankle and then a loss of muscle control. The farmer groans and falls on his ass. Ankle pain be not proud.

Patient B was at volleyball practice (and he is played by the same guy who played the farmer, although he has traded his overalls for a tight women's volleyball uniform) when he dove to for a ball and hurt his leg.

Patient C is Carmen Electra, playing mini-golf dressed like the late Payne Stewart. And yes, she is played by Carmen Electra. Which is really awesome.

StudentChase interrupts to excitedly ask if House actually treated "the Baywatch chick." House says that her proper title is "the Baywatch thespian," and no, he did not. He was disguising all three patients' true identities, and he got sick of the standard middle-aged guy, so he went for a more "pleasant" alternative. Pleasant for House, maybe, but probably not for the Fox executives who were in charge of coming up with the money to get Carmen Electra. House adds that in less than two hours, one of the three will have been thrown out of the hospital for faking his condition to score narcotics, while another will be "close to death." If I know my hospital waiting rooms, the third will still be waiting to be seen by a doctor and on the last remaining copy of People magazine the waiting room has to offer.

Let's start with the farmer. We go to an exam room in the Clinic, were our farmer is lying on a table as House asks him questions about his leg. The farmer says he was fixing is about a half-mile from his farmhouse, and that the pain started in his ankle and is radiating up his leg. StudentChase appears in the scene to recommend taking a family history. House asks the farmer whether his family has a record of leg ailments, and the farmer says they do not. StudentCameron appears to recommend drawing blood for tests. Finally, StudentForeman appears to suggests doing an MRI, and he and StudentCameron proceed to argue over whether they should do and MRI or a PET scan, until House informs them that their patient just died. StudentChase whines that they didn't have time to do any tests, and House says that they had time to at least look at his leg. Our middle-aged male farmer is now played by Carmen Electra, as House points out that if you're going to look at a fake patient's legs, they might as well be really nice ones.

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House

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