Three Stories

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A+ | 4 USERS: A+
Something For Everyone

Carmen Electra removes her pants as House stands in the corner and leers. She twists a strand of hair in her hand as House does a close and thorough inspection of her right leg, whereupon he finds a puncture wound. StudentCameron guesses it's a snakebite, but StudentForeman is a little skeptical that you could be bitten by a snake and not know it. House says that the farmer was standing in tall grass, making it possible for him never to have seen the snake. StudentChase asks what kind of snake it was, and House says that they don't know that yet. Fortunately, "there are people to find those kinds of things out."

The real Chase and Foreman walk up to the farmer's fence, where they are told in no uncertain terms by his vicious guard dog that their presence is not welcome. House says that it's time to go check on their volleyball player.

Real Cameron is tending to the volleyball player and the ridiculous camel-toe his tight short-shorts have created. She diagnoses him with tendonitis, and he strikes a feminine pose with his hand to his forehead and tries not to cry. StudentCameron interrupts the scene to ask how old their volleyball player really is, since she's thinking that a middle-aged man is not playing on a high-school girls' team. House asks her if she'd care more about her patient if she were a young female, and StudentChase says that, of course, they should care about all their patients equally. House tells him to stop caring so much about Carmen Electra, because she is House's fantasy patient and no one else's. He then tells StudentCameron to stop being so much like the real Cameron and care a little less about her patients, as the real Cameron asks our volleyball player, who is now a sixteen-year-old girl, to tell her everything that ever happened to her or anyone in her family, ever. Cameron then reports back to House that she didn't find anything suspicious in the family history, but that she did find out that a boy's volleyball team member made out with our patient at a party and hasn't called since. Somehow, Cameron takes from this that the patient is depressed, and not because of her tendonitis or relationship problems, but because of the nodule Cameron found that indicates that she has a thyroid condition. House agrees that thyroid gland problems can cause both depression and tendonitis, and Cameron is off to run the appropriate tests.

StudentCameron interrupts to point out that her real counterpoint's over-interest in the patient led her to find the real cause of her problems, which would indicate that getting personally involved is a good thing for the patient. House says that actually, the thyroid thing turned out to be nothing, and the patient was subjected to an "expensive and painful tests," as if this were something that House usually tries to avoid.

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