House
Three Stories

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Something For Everyone

"Here's how a well-adjusted doctor handles a case," House says, and we cut to him and Carmen Electra, back in her golfer clothes. While it's possible that you're the most well-adjusted person in the exam room, House, I wouldn't take it much further than that. He taps on Carmen's knee with a rubber hammer over and over again until she asks if she can put her pants back on. House says he'd rather she didn't, and StudentChase interrupts the scene to ask why not. House just gives him a "duh" look and returns to the exam room, where he tells Carmen that her knee reflexes are slow. StudentForeman diagnoses a slipped disc, and House asks Carmen how bad the pain is. "It hurts really, really bad," she says. StudentCameron scoffs that this seems fake, having already assumed the jealousy of her real counterpart whenever her crush finds another woman attractive, be she fictional or real. House tells StudentCameron that he's sorry if Carmen Electra isn't Meryl Streep, but she was not chosen to be in his fantasy because of her acting abilities so it's not fair of StudentCameron to judge Carmen Electra for that. If StudentCameron really can't do this without a more realistic representation, however, House is happy to oblige.

Carmen Electra is now a middle-aged man (not the same actor who played the farmer and the volleyball player) whose screaming makes it difficult for anyone to ask him questions about the location and intensity of his pain. StudentForeman wants to shoot him up with painkillers so that they can talk to him, but StudentCameron says they don't know if he's allergic to them or not. House holds up a syringe full of narcoticy goodness as the students quibble. The patient loses patience and grabs it from him to injects himself with it. He immediately feels better. A lot better. Maybe a little too much better. Back in the lecture hall, the students say they screwed up and gave an addict more fuel, but House says they did exactly what the real-life doctor did. Addicts are very good at tricking doctors into giving them drugs, and it happens all the time. Oh well.

Back on the farm, the Humane Society has been called in to deal with the farmer's dog and catch a guilty-looking snake. They get a Timber Rattlesnake, and Chase calls it in. Cameron administers the correct antivenom to the farmer, promising that he'll be feeling better very soon. Of course, he goes into respiratory and cardiac arrest, thanks to a severe allergic reaction. Cameron calls for the defibrillator paddles. Back in the lecture hall, House calls for a five-minute coffee and pee break.

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House

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