House
Three Stories

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Something For Everyone

House spends his break time with Wilson, talking about the reappearance of Stacy. Wilson asks House if he's going to help Mr. Stacy, and House non-answers that there's probably nothing wrong with the guy. Wilson says he really doubts that, since the only reason Stacy would be "anywhere near" House is if "she was desperate," which can't do House's ego any favors. House asks Wilson if he's saying that House should take Mr. Stacy's case because Stacy hates House, and Wilson says that Stacy's feelings for House are very much the opposite. She's been avoiding him all this time because it's kind of tough being around someone you love when you're married to someone else.

StudentChase pokes his head into the hallway to tell House that this five-minute break is rapidly approaching the six-minute mark. In a few years, that same kid will have patients scheduled for 11 AM appointments who don't see anyone until past noon, so I hope he enjoys his desire to keep things on time while it lasts. The students take their seats as House re-enters and starts talking about their volleyball player. StudentForeman, who has now moved up a few rows from his seat toward the back, tells House that he "doesn't care" about the volleyball girl when there's a more interesting dying snakebite victim to deal with. House says he's sorry the volleyball player isn't as exciting as the farmer, but her T4 test came back low, meaning she does, indeed, have a thyroid condition along with her tendonitis, and that the "expensive and painful" test Cameron put her through was not unnecessary after all. That kind of makes his whole "don't get too involved" lesson about as weak as an abstinence class that only talks about how much fun sex can be.

Cameron gives the girl some drugs for her thyroid. The girl thanks her, swallows the pills, and lies back in bed. Back in the lecture hall, StudentForeman is disappointed at the boring outcome. He might as well get used to it, since Cameron isn't leaving the show like those last few episodes teased us that she would. House says the farmer was, indeed, more interesting. And gross, too!

We cut to the farmer's puncture wound, which has grown considerably in size from the last time we saw it, and has started turning black around the edges. In House's office, Foreman says that while they managed to stabilize the farmer after his allergic reaction, the antivenom isn't working. It looks like the Humane Society caught the wrong snake, as evidenced by the fact that they managed to extract more venom from it than it should have if it had bitten a guy just four hours ago. You'll notice that House knows a lot about snake venom glands, which is probably because he's trying to create some for his own mouth in his home research lab. Back in the lecture hall, StudentCameron says they should go back and find the correct snake. House says that they could do that, but that it would be a lot easier, not to mention quicker, if they did a quick internet check to find out that only three poisonous snakes are common to the New Jersey area, two of which have the same antivenom they already gave to the farmer. That means chances are really good that the culprit is the third snake on the list, a coral snake, so they can just give the farmer the antivenom for that. StudentChase points out that the farmer may have been bitten by a poisonous snake that isn't common to New Jersey, meaning that they should wait until they know something for sure before they treat the farmer. "Very good," says House. Except not really, since by the time they know anything for sure, their patient will be dead. House takes a class vote on who would administer the coral snake antivenom, and who would go off looking for the correct snake. The half of the class that watches too much Crocodile Hunter and therefore thinks that snakes are easy to find and catch raise their hands for the second choice. "Half of us killed him and half of us saved his life," StudentCameron says, trying to sound all deep. Shut up, StudentCameron. And do a few logic problems while you're at it, since all you're risking with the coral snake antivenom route is that it's the wrong antivenom and the patient's condition will continue to decline, which is exactly what would happen if you waited to for confirmation anyway. The waiting-for-confirmation route, on the other hand, risks your patient's life if the results don't come back in time. StudentChase says it's not fair that they be held responsible for making a choice that wasn't necessarily right or wrong in the first place, to which House says that, in this field, the ultimate judge of the correctness of their decisions is the outcome, pure and simple. If you do everything you're supposed to and your patient dies, then you're wrong.

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House

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