Top Secret

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
Pissed Off
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Oh, yuck. I have to watch the last seven minutes of American Idol because Fox wants to screw over Dancing With The Stars and extended this show seven minutes into the nine o'clock slot. It's the first seven minutes of American Idol I've ever seen, and you know what? Those kids kinda suck. Finally, the "Viewer Discretion Is Advised" sign greets us, and we're sitting in some army truck driving through Iraq, seeing everything through an unknown soldier's eyes. "Get Down Tonight" plays, and one Marine sings along in a most obnoxious manner until the radio stops working. (That Marine was still better than anyone on American Idol, by the way.) Suddenly, there's an explosion in front of the truck, and the next thing you know, our soldier's right leg has been blown off at the knee. Also, the music has changed from K.C. and the Sunshine Band to something that sounds like Jimi Hendrix or Led Zepplin, except not nearly as good. Which can only mean one thing: Wolfmother. Get your own sound, Wolfmother. You're still better than anyone on American Idol, though. The singing Marine -- who Buffy fans will recognize as Riley -- drags us away from the wreckage, ties off the stub, gives us a machine gun, and orders us not to shoot any Marines or die: "Got, it, G?" And then we're outside of the soldier, and we see the soldier is actually House, lying there in a Marine uniform with his leg blown off.

And then House wakes up. In his office. His right leg is still attached, although I still don't think it would be such a bad idea to remove it. The war stuff was just a dream. That sucks for House, to be the only person in his dream who didn't get to run around shooting stuff. Cuddy walks in and orders House to take a patient -- an ex-Marine with Gulf War Syndrome. House rolls his eyes and says there's no such thing as Gulf War Syndrome. Cuddy says that the guy is tired, rashy, has joint pain, and most importantly, he's the nephew of a hospital benefactor. House is his usual sarcastic self about the case until he opens the file and sees a picture of his new patient: it's the singing Marine from his dream.

I'm almost expecting to see the credits for Medium come on the screen, but no, we're still watching House.

And when we come back, House and Wilson are enjoying a silent piss and discussing House's psychic dream. House insists that he must have seen the guy before somewhere, but Wilson wants to believe that House can dream of people he's about to meet. Or maybe, Wilson says, House just dreamed of a "generic" Marine and only put the guy's face on him after he saw the picture in the file. What he wants to focus on is why House is dreaming about military stuff, because then he'll get to do some psychoanalysis and will therefore have a purpose in this episode. He thinks House's dream has to do with either House's Marine father, or with the Village People. I believe discussing the Village People in certain men's bathrooms is an invitation to sex. House says that it couldn't have been the Village People, since that guy is in the Navy. No, Wilson argues, he's only wearing a Navy uniform when they sing "In The Navy." The rest of the time, Wilson says, he's just wearing generic fatigues. House gives him a "you know way too much about the Village People" look, along with the rest of us. But no one's exactly surprised. Wilson tries to defend his heterosexuality by pointing out that House didn't flush the urinal, like, way to pay too much attention to that, Wilson. House says he doesn't need to flush because he didn't pee. It's an easy mistake to make, considering that on this show, peeing and not peeing sound the same.

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