Top Secret

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
Pissed Off

The Cottages are actually following House's orders and trying to get Sgt. John's dating history. Well, actually, they're wondering why House is making them do it. Cameron thought he was wasting their time with Sgt. John's personal background info to get back at Cuddy for making them take this waste of time case, but since Sgt. John clearly has a real problem, that can't be the case anymore. Who cares, Cameron? Just do it. Investigating some guy's private life has got to be kind of fun. Foreman's doing some investigating on his own, and asks Cameron and Chase where they were when Sgt. John woke up. Cameron plays it cool, while Chase stammers that they went to get coffee. Foreman asks why they didn't have any coffee when they came back to the room, then, like, maybe they drank it already. But Cameron says that's because they didn't actually get coffee; they had hot sex in an empty bedroom. Foreman laughs: "House would do Wilson before you'd do Chase," as if House and Wilson having sex is an unlikely event. "No, you would do House and Wilson before I'd do Chase," Cameron counters. And seven thousands fanfics are begun. Chase gets all offended that Foreman doesn't believe Cameron would ever have sex with him, pointing out, "She did me once!" "She was stoned!" says Foreman. And Cameron smiles like she's proud of this.

House and his huge full bladder limp into the lab, where Wilson says that biopsy results were "inconclusive," mostly likely because Wilson doesn't know how to do a biopsy, which is why he's always misdiagnosing his patients. He's going to run some other test, but House tells him not to hurry, since their patient is clearly on death's door. House, on the other hand, can still be saved, and asks for a prescription. Not for Vicodin, amazingly enough, but for some other drug that will make him pee. My closed captioning isn't working, so I don't know the exact name of the drug. You'd think it would be FloMax, but that's actually for people who pee too much. Weird, huh? Anyway, Wilson dismissively says that House doesn't need the drug, and asks him if he's figured out where he knows Sgt. John from yet. House doesn't care about Sgt. John now that he hasn't peed in three days. I don't care about Sgt. John either. Or about House's peeing. "Stop taking the Vicodin" is Wilson's solution. Yeah, like that's going to work. Like that has ever worked. You're the one prescribing the Vicodin, Wilson. If you don't want House to take it, stop writing prescriptions. It's that simple. Wilson says that House is "obsessing" over Sgt. John, while House just keeps whining that he hasn't peed in three days and doesn't seem very concerned with Sgt. John anymore at all. Wilson accuses House of lying about peeing, saying House would be dead if he hadn't peed in three days; he'd at least be in agony. Except doesn't Wilson prescribe House the painkillers that he takes all day long? Those would do wonders to help him function through the pain of a full bladder. Wilson is finally convinced, and writes the prescription.

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