House
Twenty Vicodin

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Monty Ashley: B- | Grade It Now!
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Welcome to the Big House
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Welcome back! House (or "House, M.D." if you're nasty) is, indeed, still getting recapped. But there are a few changes you should be aware of. First off, I am not Sara M. Sorry! Instead, I am Montykins, and that's just going to have to be good enough. Second, House is now receiving "weecaps" instead of "recaps." That means they're going to be shorter, but you'll get them the day after the episode. It also means they'll be written in great haste, so there's probably not going to be a great deal of in-depth analysis. There will still be jokes.

Okay, with that out of the way, where did the show leave off? Oh, that's right: House drove his car into Cuddy's dinner party and then fled to some island or something. And then Lisa Edelstein was off the show, but that's out-of-show knowledge.

We open on the news that House has been in jail for 8 of 12 months and has displayed "good...ish" behavior. He's up for parole and unconvincingly claims to be sorry for what he did. Then he reverts to House-like behavior and objects to the idea of showing remorse in front of the parole board. He claims that when he drove into Cuddy's house, he could see that no one was in the dining room. So everything's fine! The angry parole officer tells him he has to stay out of trouble for five days. Think he can do it?

MONDAY

House is in bed in his cell. A few feet away, a bald gentleman is pooping. House leaves his cell and wanders into the communal area, which is full of various prisoner types being prisoners. There's a lot of checkers in prison. More than in the outside world, I think. A guard calls out some names, ending with something that sounds like "Asalfa," who turns out to be House's cellmate. I looked it up on IMDB and it's really "Asofa." I'm just going to call him "House's cellmate," if that's okay. She's handing out medications, and House checks the pills to make sure they're correct. Someone objects, and he defends the concept of making sure his homicidal roommate has the right anti-psychotics. House gets his own meds and stays at the front of the line, checking people's prescriptions. The next guy is named "Mendelson," and House sneaks him some drugs. Mendelson has a swastika tattoo, so House claims to be Jewish. Then he claims to be a black gay Gypsy. That House really knows how to make friends, doesn't he?

House passes a cell, and the resident calls out, "Knight to king's bishop three." House pauses and answers, "Queen to king's bishop seven." I used to do that with a friend in high school. We didn't actually play chess, but whenever we passed in the hallway, we'd exchange moves like that in a misguided attempt to make people think we were clever. At best, they thought we were on the chess team.

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House

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