House does, in fact, appear to really be in jail. But he's five days away from getting paroled! What could possibly go wrong? Well, for one thing, he's in debt to some Nazis to the tune of twenty Vicodins, which results in a certain amount of scrambling and hoarding and taking the Vicodin himself. And then there's his homicidal cellmate, who has a very sick cricket.
Oh, and there's the requisite medical mystery, which starts, as is traditional, with House thinking that it's lupus. The power dynamic is an interesting change, because he's just a prisoner and isn't even technically allowed to see the patient's file. But he's still House, so he just bullies the (young, female) prison doctor until he gets what he wants. So it's not really all that different, except that she has the power to order him into solitary confinement, which I don't remember happening before.
In the end, House gets the Vicodin but doesn't give it to the Nazis. Then he purposely loses his chance for parole because he'd rather be proven right. And than he does get sent to solitary, where it's just House, his thoughts, and a note saying he was right. He probably considers this the perfect result.
Did you miss any of Season 7? Catch up in the most painless way possible with this special video recap from The Morning After:
Welcome back! House (or "House, M.D." if you're nasty) is, indeed, still getting recapped. But there are a few changes you should be aware of. First off, I am not Sara M. Sorry! Instead, I am Montykins, and that's just going to have to be good enough. Second, House is now receiving "weecaps" instead of "recaps." That means they're going to be shorter, but you'll get them the day after the episode. It also means they'll be written in great haste, so there's probably not going to be a great deal of in-depth analysis. There will still be jokes.
Okay, with that out of the way, where did the show leave off? Oh, that's right: House drove his car into Cuddy's dinner party and then fled to some island or something. And then Lisa Edelstein was off the show, but that's out-of-show knowledge.
We open on the news that House has been in jail for 8 of 12 months and has displayed "good...ish" behavior. He's up for parole and unconvincingly claims to be sorry for what he did. Then he reverts to House-like behavior and objects to the idea of showing remorse in front of the parole board. He claims that when he drove into Cuddy's house, he could see that no one was in the dining room. So everything's fine! The angry parole officer tells him he has to stay out of trouble for five days. Think he can do it?
House is in bed in his cell. A few feet away, a bald gentleman is pooping. House leaves his cell and wanders into the communal area, which is full of various prisoner types being prisoners. There's a lot of checkers in prison. More than in the outside world, I think. A guard calls out some names, ending with something that sounds like "Asalfa," who turns out to be House's cellmate. I looked it up on IMDB and it's really "Asofa." I'm just going to call him "House's cellmate," if that's okay. She's handing out medications, and House checks the pills to make sure they're correct. Someone objects, and he defends the concept of making sure his homicidal roommate has the right anti-psychotics. House gets his own meds and stays at the front of the line, checking people's prescriptions. The next guy is named "Mendelson," and House sneaks him some drugs. Mendelson has a swastika tattoo, so House claims to be Jewish. Then he claims to be a black gay Gypsy. That House really knows how to make friends, doesn't he?
House passes a cell, and the resident calls out, "Knight to king's bishop three." House pauses and answers, "Queen to king's bishop seven." I used to do that with a friend in high school. We didn't actually play chess, but whenever we passed in the hallway, we'd exchange moves like that in a misguided attempt to make people think we were clever. At best, they thought we were on the chess team.