House
Twenty Vicodin

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Monty Ashley: B- | Grade It Now!
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Welcome to the Big House

Wandering along the balcony, House is stopped by someone claiming to have weird pains in his elbows and knees. House says that the clinic is a large room, which is not himself. He arrives at his own cell where someone named "Rollo" is stealing all his tuna because House is going to be paroled. Oh! They're calling it tuna, but I bet these are those vacuum-packed mackerels that I've heard about. They use them as currency in prison because cigarettes are banned. House threatens violent reprisals based on his fifty-pound advantage and weapon-like cane. But Rollo points out that House can't cause trouble or he'll lose his parole. Exit Rollo, with his shirt stuffed with fish. By the way, Rollo is played by Nate Mooney, one of the McPoyle brothers on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Don't mess with the McPoyles, House. Those guys are crazy.

House's chess-playing pal joins him with some good advice: "You want to get back at these guys? Get out alive on Friday. Oh, and that was checkmate, right?" It was, apparently. It seems like House should have said something when he made his move, then.

House mops the bathroom. For some reason, the show doesn't make a big deal out of Mr. Big Shot Doctor being reduced to menial prison tasks. A peeing dude tells House he wants his stereo and headphones. Then he pees on the ground for House to clean up. Classy!

House enters the clinic area, where hospital things are going on. A lady doctor, who I will just go ahead and identify as Dr. Jessica Adams, is taking the pulse of the guy from earlier with the joint pain. She announces a prescription that House doesn't agree with, and he tells her that the patient doesn't have gonorrhea. She wants to know how he knows so much about medicine and her sarcastic boss (Dr. Sykes) says, "House used to be a doctor." And House will now use his famous diagnostic skills to decide that the problem with this patient, based on his "subtle eyebrow loss," is... lupus. Oh, very droll. Testing the new recapper out on an easy one, eh? I'm not falling for it. Adams doesn't buy it, due to a lack of something on the patient's face. House tells her to look for a body rash and trudges off. At least he got to say "dispositive," right? Sykes seems to have enjoyed watching House needle Adams.

House's portable stereo (well, portable radio, really) has "Property of House. Questions, call the New Confederates" on it. Those are the Nazis. House's friend tells him not to mess with Stomper. "He didn't get that name because he's a fan of Santa's reindeer." This distracts House, because he wants to argue about Santa's reindeer. Stomper apparently did something to someone named Diaz in the yard. He's easily set off. House gets a speculative look on his face. Then he hides his radio on a shelf in someone else's cell.

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House

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