House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 1275 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Back to School Fail

Zack is playing basketball. Suddenly, Colleen appears right next to him yelling that he's a "pathetic loser jerk" and she wouldn't kiss him even if it cured brain cancer. "Ooo-oo-ooh" say the other children. House, too, is surprised by Colleen's words, as well as possibly admiring. Zack quickly says that was like two days ago, so it's ancient history. Colleen says it proves that she's not a tease and now House has to tell them why Cuddy is mad at him. House says she's bossy, and he guesses Zack is "into that." Zack opens his mouth to speak, only to be shut down with a "don't answer that!" from Colleen, which he instantly obeys.

Hey look! It's the Cottages! And a sick guy! Why, it's almost like this is a show about a team of doctors who solve medical mysteries! While Martha and Foreman talk to their new patient, who is coughing and complaining of breathing trouble, Taub and Chase flirt with an attractive nurse. She's new at PPTH, even though PPTH has plenty of awesome nurses we never get to see, like Evil Nurse Brenda and whoever Bobbin Bergstrom is, since she always appears in the credits but I have yet to actually see her on the show. Also, does Taub really think he has a chance with the nurse when Chase is right there? Please. The patient starts coughing up lots of blood. Martha gently suggests a chest CT. Foreman says that since he's the senior team member, only he may order scans and tests. Taub asks the nurse if she wants to have an affair. Chase offers her a threesome. Martha is appalled and runs off to tell on them to Cuddy. Foreman orders the chest CT. I still love it when this show does subjective flashbacks.

House is actually telling this story to the kids in that classroom. Tiffany goes all Martha M. Masters on us and asks if Chase and Taub are guilty of sexual harassment. House says it's only sexual harassment if you're ugly. "Excuse me?!" a woman in back speaks up, no doubt one of those humorless bitch lady lawyers who ruin everything. Gabe says House must be lying, since Taub, who House described earlier as being "short with a big nose," cannot possibly be attractive. Apparently, Gabe is only into a certain type of guy. And, once again, the people who write this show hate Peter Jacobson.

House

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