The true story, then, is that the Clinic was abuzz with activity when a terrible smell permeated the air. So terrible, in fact, that a few people pass out. A nurse who I totally thought was Carla from Scrubs in some kind of awesome subjective memory cameo (it's not. I just can't tell non-white people apart, I guess) freaks out. Behind the corner with his nostrils blocked, House shouts that it smells like a gas leak. The Clinic patients and personnel get the hell out of there, except for the ones who are unconscious. In the classroom, all look to Timmy, but he can't think of a movie House is ripping off here. The humorless bitch lawyer disgustedly asks if House is really saying that he poisoned a bunch of sick people and their caregivers just to steal a laptop. House claims he actually just poured some hydrogen sulfide and ammonia on the floor to make it smell bad and clear the place out, but one guy held his breath and passed out like a moron, causing "a perfect storm of mass hysteria." I'm sorry, but that guy was holding his breath for all of three seconds before he passed out from lack of oxygen, and he was quickly followed by two other people that House didn't even mention. Also, Wikipedia tells me that hydrogen sulfide is "very poisonous." But no matter! House says the panic made it easy for him to sneak into Cuddy's office and get the laptop unnoticed.
Back in the principal's office, Colleen doesn't understand why all those other kids cared how House stole the laptop -- what's really important, she believes, is why he stole it. House says Colleen reminds him of someone, and while we're all expecting that someone to be Cuddy, it's actually Wilson, who says basically the same thing when House reports to his office for Wilson's three seconds of screen time. House says he didn't steal the laptop to find out why Cuddy is mad at him, because he apparently knows the answer to this. What he doesn't know is how to make her "un-mad." He hopes that reading Cuddy's secret journal, which she stupidly keeps on her computer like she's Doogie Howser or something, will give him a few clues. Wilson wants to know why Cuddy is mad at House. House won't tell him any specifics, simply saying that he was just being himself, which he thought Cuddy was supposed to be in love with. Because, you know, she said she was. And that he shouldn't change. Remember that? Apparently, Cuddy doesn't.