House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | 2 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Ugly Girls Need Not Apply

The two manage to set up the equipment and play back the tapes of Terzzzi being a moron. House wants Wilson's objective opinion. It is that Terzzzi's dress looks see-through when she leans forward. Also, her ideas suck a fat one. House sighs and wonders what he's going to do, sounding uncharacteristically like a normal person with occasional bouts of uncertainty. Wilson tells House to just enjoy having a hot employee around and rely on Foreman to keep him from falling prey to her stupid ideas, as he seems "immune" to her feminine wiles. That's because Foreman is a professional who can handle his impulses. Or, House guesses, because he's gay. "Did he become an idiot around Chase?" Wilson asks. We'll never know, because Wilson is checking out 13's hotness now. House worries that he's become "that guy." "That guy" who hires women based on hotness instead of ability? "Every guy is that guy," Wilson says. Oh, great. Well, it's a good thing I'm really hot. House tries to defend himself, saying that his last female hire, Cameron, was smart. "I'm beginning to doubt that," Wilson says. This explains so, so much.

For instance: the stupid but pretty Cameron is talking to a mirror as she practices an explanation for the camera crew for why she said she loved House. It's not very good, and Chase, who's being forced to watch his girlfriend practice telling a camera crew that she doesn't love her ex-boss even though she said she did, should probably consider finding someone else.

Meanwhile, PS is bent over the CT scans trying to find a way to prove his ICP diagnosis is correct. House enters, and PS shows him a shadow that proves Kenny has a lesion. "You're right. I didn't see that before," House says.

The two head for Kenny's room, where House tells Kenny to stop feeling better, because PS thinks he has a lesion. PS brushes House aside and says he was wrong, and he's happy to be, because it means Kenny will get his surgery. Kenny and his father rejoice, and Kenny tells House that after his surgery, he's going to look great and House will look "like butt." I'm all for optimism, but someone might want to show Kenny a few before-and-after pictures so he realizes that, even with the mass gone, he's still not going to look completely normal. House interrupts everyone's rejoicing to note that Kenny's pinky finger is twitching. "He's not better," he says; "I don't know what he has. Cancel the surgery." Ouch.

Back in the classroom, House has to explain to Terzzzi that involuntary muscle movement is a symptom. PS thinks Kenny is just nervous about his upcoming awesome surgery. Foreman thinks the twitching is from Kenny's JRA and will soon be under control thanks to those steroids. House says the steroids could just be making Kenny appear better when he's still got something wrong with him. 13 sits forward and suggests Lyme Disease, saying it fits all the symptoms and explains why the steroids made Kenny appear better. House says Kenny is missing the huge bulls-eye rash that is a hallmark of Lyme disease. Also, he has yet to accuse someone of being a homosexual and get slapped in the face. I would like to say that Lyme disease only has a rash during its initial onset. If you miss that, you can go for years without knowing you have Lyme disease. I'd also like to say that I once diagnosed my Evil Ex-Roommate with Lyme disease when he came home from a trip to Connecticut feeling flu-y and sporting what he called a "huge bug bite." I checked it out, and, sure enough, he had a rash on his back that looked like an advertisement for Target. After a quick Google image search, I was able to make my diagnosis and we set off for the hospital. My Evil Ex-Roommate then repaid me by not doing the dishes ever and passing out on the couch with a glass full of red wine in his hand, spilling it all over my couch and the carpet and ruining our security deposit. Lest anyone think I'm a super-awesome diagnostician, I also thought my ulcer was lactose intolerance and stress.

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House

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