House

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Personal Jesus

House decorates the Whiteboard O'Symptoms with a cross while Taub complains that this case seems unusually simple for them. For this, House makes a short people joke that Hadley finds amusing. Taub can't help being short any more than you can help having Huntington's, Hadley. Should we all make fun of you for it? House spits out a bunch of differentials, but the Cottages aren't buying. The ER hasn't even bothered to eliminate the more likely and obvious causes, so they also believe House is only taking this case to screw with someone -- either one of them, or the patient himself. House doesn't really care what they think as long as they run a bunch of unnecessary tests on the patient. Hope the church has a good health plan, Father Apathy!

Kumar and Taub set off to do House's bidding while House tells "Foreteen" (ugh, I can't believe he's using that name for them. It just convinces me all the more that the writers paired those two up because they thought the Foreteen thing was so darn clever) to stay behind so they may receive yet another B-plot. I really thought we were done with this when Hadley got her 24-hour brain tumor last episode. WHY must this couple be forced upon us week after week after week? Not even Cameron in Season One got this kind of screen time. Anyway, House says he took the priest case to screw with them, as he's refusing to take on any "real" cases until they make a choice: either they stop dating or they quit. Oh, hold on -- this B-plot could be the best one ever if they choose the latter. Fingers crossed! But I'm not too hopeful. When it comes to the writers and Hadley, I've lost my faith. Hadley stupidly asks House to give them another chance to prove that they can conduct their relationship like adults without accidentally giving each other tumors and wasting the viewers' time. House refuses, and gives them until the end of the priest case to make their decision.

Kumar and Taub, meanwhile, do their jobs. Father Danny is insistent that his hallucination was not the result of alcohol, since he'd only had two drinks and his typical nightly total is six. Kumar ignores him and reads off of Father Danny's medical file, which shows that he's moved around quite a bit over the past few years, from Manhattan to Oregon to New Mexico to Wisconsin to Trenton. Wait, does that mean he was working in the Trenton soup kitchen? The same one the mother of Cuddy's baby used to volunteer in? Quelle coincidence! Danny is reluctant to provide them with any more details until Taub says it could be medically relevant. So now we get the story of Danny, Jaded Priest: when he was working in New York, a teen in his youth group accused him of "inappropriate contact." Danny claims he was innocent, and the church believed him so much that they transferred him as far away as possible, to Oregon. He was at his subsequent jobs for only a short time before his parishioners found out about the accusation and forced him to move along. With that new piece of information, Taub puts forth a new diagnosis of syphilis. Father Danny claims he isn't sexually active and never has been, but Taub doesn't really believe him, what with the molestation accusation and all. Taub sarcastically offers that the hallucination might have actually been Jesus, to which Danny says he doesn't believe in the guy. Being a priest is "just a job" for him now, he says; "the fairytale ended a long time ago." Then it's a crappy job with crappy pay and a whole bunch of rules about your personal relationships. Why stay?

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House

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