Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | 1 USERS: C+
Baby in a Corner

And so, House baby-sits. Even though it's only 7:00, Rachel is already in bed and asleep, so all House has to do is watch cartoons, pretend he's paying attention to the baby monitor, and lie to Cuddy that he's been checking on the kid every ten minutes. He heads for Cuddy's kitchen to find something to drink, but all he finds is OJ, purple stuff, soda, and no Sunny D. He goes for the OJ. When he closes the fridge, a small child is standing there staring at him. She's not that small, though. They're saying the twins playing Rachel are only two and a half, but they look a lot older. Maybe it's all the hair? "I'm thirsty," Rachel says, not in any way disturbed to find a fairly unfamiliar presence in her kitchen and no mother, as she's totally used to this by now. House says no, and those are her mean mother's orders. Rachel's like "who is Mommy? JUICE!" House sends her back to bed. She runs off, but clearly has no intention of going back to bed when she can run around the house all night and bother House. House quickly calls Wilson, sweetly inviting him to Cuddy's house for a "boys' night in." Wilson is stupid enough to fall for this.

Taub and Chase ultrasound the baby's liver and look for an abscess. One Dr. Cheng (as played by Lane from Gilmore Girls, looking much more her age than she did when she was like 35 playing a 20-year-old) is on the scene with a blood transfusion for the baby since the liver failure is causing her to bleed from the multiple IV sites. Abbey asks if she can at least touch her baby, but Dr. Cheng says no, although she will allow her to donate blood. The ultrasound does not find the expected abscess, but it does come up with dilated bile ducts. "What does that mean? Can I still take her home soon?" Clueless Abbey asks.

The Cottages confer with House over the phone. His responses are phrased in soft baby talk, causing Taub to ask House if he's okay. He isn't, as the nearby Rachel doesn't look any closer to going to sleep despite House's soothing tone. Foreman speaks up to introduce us to some woman sitting at the table: Dr. Christina Fraser, who he just hired. "You're fired!" House says softly. "What?" she asks. Well, at least she got some lines and a bump in her SAG minimum daily rate. House says it's not her fault, but she's collateral damage in his war against Foreman's ego. Well, that wiped the smirk off his face. Dr. Fraser takes the news better than you'd expect, gathering her things and leaving without cursing anyone out. Foreman angrily says House could've assaulted his ego without having to crush some innocent doctor's hopes and dreams. House doesn't think he could have, and assigns Taub to be the next to hire a lady Cottage, promising not to fire this one without cause. As much as that sucked for Dr. Fraser, I think we can all agree that she probably dodged a bullet there. Literally, even; that meeting room has been the source of gunfire before. With that, House orders the Cottages to perform surgery on the sick newborn's liver to fix the Caroli's syndrome they're assuming she has.

Wilson arrives at Cuddy's house with a bag of Chinese food that he ended up paying for, even though House told him he pre-paid and all Wilson had to do is pick it up. Well, that's Wilson's fault at this point. He should have known that House would stick him with the bill, just as he should have known that House would try to stick him with baby-sitting duty, as House grabs his coat and tries to make his escape while Wilson is staring at the child he's surprised to see there.

Wilson runs outside after House, refusing to do his dirty work for him. House doesn't think Wilson will actually abandon a child. Wilson starts his car as if to show that he is ready, willing, and able to use it to get out of there. House starts his motorcycle. They stare at each other, and finally, Wilson breaks down and turns the car off. He can't leave Rachel alone after all. He says he'll call a "baby-sitting service" (like a baby-sitter's club? Awesome) to come and take care of Rachel and then he'll tell on House to Cuddy. Wait a second ... why didn't Cuddy just call that baby-sitting service in the first place? Ultimately, House agrees to stay with Rachel if Wilson does, too. They return to the house to find that in their two-minute absence, Rachel got into the bag of Chinese food and threw it all over the living room. And she isn't even eating any of the food, but a quarter, which Wilson ends up having to fish out of her mouth. House asks Rachel if she ate any other coins. Rachel doesn't answer, but awesomely looks from House to Wilson and back again.

In surgery, Chase doesn't even have time to fix the baby's liver before her blood pressure drops. Pediatrician/NICU/Neo-natal surgeon Dr. Cheng is on hand to assist, but even though she thinks of a drug they can administer that will raise the baby's BP, it's still not enough and Foreman orders them to close. Outside the OR, Foreman says their Caroli's syndrome diagnosis must have been wrong, since it would not have caused the baby's BP to drop like that. Wow, good thing they nearly killed her with a surgery to correct a condition SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE. Foreman and Chase think of possible diagnoses, while Taub thinks about hiring Dr. Cheng. Well, I guess that's easy enough. Just pick the first female doctor you see and call it a day. I don't know why he didn't just grab poor Dr. Christina Fraser on her way out, though, and offer her the job again. House wouldn't even have to know; he never saw her face. They'll just tell him that this new doctor is named Dr. Fristina Chraser and tell her to disguise her voice a little bit. Chase suggests pumping the baby up with a bunch of drugs to treat to vascular problems they now think she has, and while Foreman calls House for his opinion, Taub asks Chase for his on Dr. Cheng. Chase just shrugs, saying it doesn't really matter how good Dr. Cheng is; House is going to hate her. Taub says if he can make House think hiring Dr. Cheng was his idea, they might be able to make it work. Why does he care so much anyway? I think he just wants House to hire someone shorter than he is.

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