House

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Baby in a Corner
e subject to how the baby feels wet and asks Justine to hold her. That's when Justine notices that the baby isn't peeing, but bleeding, which she points out with her usual flat affect.

House and Wilson wheel Rachel into PPTH. Okay, how the hell did House convince Nanny Marina to let two weird men take Rachel away? That is not right. They have her set up on a wheeled cart covered in blankets, which they rush through the lobby before Rachel wakes up or Cuddy sees them. Wilson worries that Rachel will tell on them to Cuddy, but House says Rachel has a vivid imagination that no one will believe. Just last night, he says, she was "whining about the giant moose that lives under her window." It's probably Lucas. Maybe they should believe her. "Medusa at six o'clock!" Wilson says, spotting Cuddy walking out of the Clinic. "Medusa?" Really? Sounds to me like Wilson is a little bit resentful of all the time Cuddy gets with House now.

Wilson lifts the sleeping child onto a table, and she wakes up. Wilson is startled and unsure of what to do. He settles on an awkward "hello." Rachel is not amused, so he tries to make her smile by saying he's the moose outside her window. Rachel pulls her little dress over her face. "She hates that moose," House says. It's kind of awesome that he knows that. I'll bet Cuddy doesn't. Wilson gives up on the kid and begins the ultrasound on Rachel's belly as House answers a phone call from Taub, which he's unable to hear much of due to this room being the only one in all of PPTH where cell phones don't work. House calls Taub back on one of the hospital phones, and Taub tells him the baby is bleeding again and so their vascular malformation diagnosis was wrong. House already knew that, so he doesn't care. He tells Taub to hold tight while he checks out the ultrasound monitor, where Wilson has isolated what appears to be the dime. House says it could just be a "pocket of air," but Wilson points out that it's a perfect circle and you can just make out FDR's face on it. House says they should do an X-ray to be sure, but Wilson isn't too keen on zapping Rachel with radiation unnecessarily. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. It's Taub, who was able to locate House using the extension from the phone he called on. Even though House called Taub's cell phone and he can't possibly have every extension in the entire hospital memorized.

House walks into the hallway to meet Taub, being sure to close the door behind him so Taub doesn't see Rachel. "Wilson's got a two-year-old with cancer. She's in a lot of pain. It's very sad," House says, like that's any kind of explanation. Also, Rachel chooses this point to laugh loudly. "He also has an outstanding bedside manner," House says. Taub doesn't really care, saying they need to know what to do next for their patient and her liver failure. House thinks the answer is in why the baby got better temporarily, but he's summoned back into the room before he can give Taub any more help. Wilson again shows House the image of a dime floating around Rachel's colon, which House says is a good sign, since it's very close to being pooped out. Great, then they can just let nature take its course, right? It's not like the dime can cause any intestinal blockages now that it's in the colon. And yet, they decide to give Rachel a bunch of laxatives to speed the process along. "Yummy chocolate!" Wilson's hand-puppet tells Rachel. "You'll make a great mommy one day," House tells him, which gives him an idea. He runs back out into the hallway, where Taub is still waiting for him because he has nothing better to do. House orders him to transfuse some more of Abbey's blood to her baby.

Taub does so, and the baby gets better again. "Mother's touch," House says. Abbey thanks them for this "miracle." Taub has to tell her that this isn't a cure. House agrees, but admits he has no idea why the blood seems to be making the baby better. And yet, he must have known something was up to have suggested they do that in the first place, right?

House asks his team for a differential just outside the NICU unit, which makes Cheng readily available for Taub to invite her to join them. House is thrilled, as he can now make Asian jokes at her expense. "I hope you come with some original ideas," House says with a pointed look at Chase. Cheng says either Abbey's blood has antibodies that are treating a specific condition in the baby, or there's nothing special about Abbey's blood specifically except that it's giving the baby something her blood is missing due to a deficiency. House thinks the deficiency goes best with the baby's other symptoms, and they decide to test it by giving the baby blood from another donor. Because multiple blood transfusions aren't tough on a newborn's system or anything. Taub volunteers to give blood while House takes a walk with Cheng. He's already figured out that she's angling for the Cottage job, and decides to "test" her by asking what she would recommend for a two year old who swallowed a coin twenty hours ago. Purely hypothetical, of course. Cheng recommends giving the kid laxatives and if the coin isn't out in six hours then go in with a scope and take it out. Have fun explaining that one to Cuddy. Cheng asks if that's a good enough answer to get the job. "Talk to Taub," House says, ducking into the men's bathroom.

Wilson has set up shop in there with Rachel and a box of laxatives. Yeah, that won't look weird to anyone who happens to stop by to use the bathroom: Wilson and House, who are both known to be childless, with a little girl in the men's bathroom. Wilson says he figured this made for a good hideout since Cuddy wouldn't come in a men's bathroom. "Oh, Cuddy's been in here," House says knowingly. Wilson totally wants to know more, but he can't because you shouldn't talk about that kind of stuff in front of a child. House says they'll have to scope Rachel if she doesn't get rid of the dime in six hours, and Wilson says that's both dangerous and kind of difficult to do without Cuddy finding out, since she'll be home from work and therefore with Rachel in six hours. House says he can offer to baby-sit again and send Cuddy out for a night free of daughters and boyfriends. Wilson points out how suspicious that will be, what with House usually being a total asshole and all. Not to mention what Cuddy is going to say when she comes home to find her daughter complaining about how her new boyfriend shoved a tube up her ass. Or rather, once Nanny Marina discovers this, since she pays attention to the child. If I had a baby daughter and I left her with my boyfriend to baby-sit and came home to find out that her ass had been violated, I would probably dump the boyfriend. And call the police. And kill him. House spots Wilson's radiation dosimeter and orders him to give it to House, no doubt for nefarious purposes.

Sure enough, House holes himself up in a shower stall with some kind of blue light, which causes the dosimeter to turn red. I don't know a lot about dosimeters, but I'm going to assume that's a bad thing. He then scratches Wilson's name off of it.

Over in the NICU, Taub's blood isn't making the baby any better, which rules out Cheng's deficiency diagnosis. Taub tells Abbey that they'll focus on infections instead, and she tells him why she decided to have the baby in the first place, like anyone cares. I'm fine with assuming it's because her first kid turned out so awful. She says she wanted to be a "special mom," whatever that means.

Cuddy breezes into House's office complaining of problems in radiology by way of a positive radiation dosimeter badge, which means there could be a radiation leak somewhere. Also, Cuddy says, the name on the badge was scratched off, so she doesn't even know who the badge belonged to, nor does she find this suspicious. Thus, Cuddy says, she has to stay late and is hoping House can baby-sit for Rachel again. He pretends to hate this idea and agrees to it only when Cuddy promises sex in return. When she leaves, House smiles to himself about how well this is all working out. I'm just looking forward to this si

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