Apparently the team made good use of Alice's self-inflicted naptime to run some PET scans and other tests, but there's still no sign of the pheochromothingy, and Alice still isn't giving them the cooperation they need to find it. Chase asks House, "Do you think you can get her to kill herself again? We're gonna need more time." He says there might be a way to get more out of her, "If writers write what they know." Oh, good, a medical excuse to read her book. I'm sure he's been hoping for that to come up ever since Wilson dropped her name. Luckily, Jack Cannon has a mentor named Aunt Helen, a character who's the same age as Alice. "The answers could be in the book." Which I guess he's off to go work on, while the Cottages are supposed to continue the search for the tumor with the ultrasound. And yet the party who will be wasting its time won't be the one you think.
House tapes long segments of ribbon onto the MRI table while Sam asks him, "I drove across town to treat a ribbon?" House explains, "That's why I prefer lying. It makes things easier." Wilson bursts in, telling Sam not to waste her time trying to help House read the latest Jack Cannon, Boy Detective novel, but it turns out Sam is not only a "Fannon," she's Team Deacon. "Why can't she love them both?" House demands. Suddenly Sam is on board with this goofy project, and goes into the control room to mess with the software while House activates the scanner. Wilson, after asking House if Cuddy knows this is happening ("Let's say yes," House answers), cuts off their arguments about the books by reminding them, "There are actual patients waiting to use this machine." There are probably also actual patients waiting for an oncologist, too, but that never seems to stop Wilson from...you know, being Wilson. Just then blurry words start showing up on the screen, and even though they're all upside-down or backwards or overlapping or filled with clichéd imagery, Sam says, "Congratulations, it's a book." Well, that was easy.