House
Unwritten

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
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Authorial Intent
sign that Cuddy's willing to commit crimes with House. "She's looking for ways to connect. Sure, they're self-destructive, juvenile, and insane, but..." wait for it... "so are you." Wilson says that House and Cuddy do have something in common: they're both looking for things they have in common. "And not finding them," House says glumly. Sure, be a downer, but I'm cool with anything that shuts Wilson up.

Alice is getting another visit from her book's imaginary protagonist, but the only point to their interaction is to have Taub and Chase arrive with the chelation treatment in time to bust her talking to herself. Not that she's embarrassed about it. "It's only my imagination," she explains. "I make things up for a living." She adds that writers are also good at reading people, which...uh, I'm sure some of them are. She demonstrates by totally pulling a Sherlock Holmes on Chase, observing that he's a recent divorcee who had a booty call last night at a girl's place. Chase considers denying it, but then asks how she did it. She explains about the tan line from his wedding ring and the reek of smoke on him, even though he doesn't have nicotine-stained hands or teeth, which means he spent the night with a smoker and is wearing the same clothes as yesterday. "Do him," Chase says, pointing to Taub. Like Taub needs any encouragement. She says Taub reminds her of her ex-husband. "A cute man, but problems in the bedroom department." Taub smugly says, "Not even close," because he's not cute. But the bedroom problems Alice was referring to were the ones she caught her husband in. Oops, Alice got closer than we thought there. She gets so upset remembering that she pitches another seizure on the spot. Chase thinks it's a reaction to the chelation agent. "I didn't give it to her yet," Taub says. He holds up the syringe to show Chase, because even Alice knows that we can't trust Taub when he says "I didn't give it to her."

In the meeting room, the Cottages eat lunch and talk about how mercury poisoning has been ruled out. Yeah, I already knew that. Catch up, you three. Chase suggests hemolytic uremic syndrome, which would have been my second guess, but Foreman nixes that as well. Without looking up from his unreadable printouts of whatever he pulled off of Alice's typewriter ribbon, House figures out that the seizures happen when Alice is upset, so they could be caused by elevated adrenaline. "A pheochromocytoma," Taub realizes, snatching the word from the tip of my tongue. House orders an MRI to find it, and when they go back to their food instead of immediately jumping up, he sweeps all of their takeout containers into the trash can, which he even made Chase hold. "I meant now," he explains. Which they should have known already. I mean, really.

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House

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